I have referred often to dumping. It sounds nasty because it is. But what exactly is it? The most amazing Melting Mama has just recently posted a great explanation adapted from the OAC (Obesity Action Coalition) and so I thought I would share.
http://www.meltingmama.net/wls/2010/10/dumping-syndrome.html
Since my surgical ERCP I have started early dumping again and my late dumping has gotten worse. Happy Happy Joy Joy!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Self Limiting Beliefs
So it seems my last post was quite timely. I was actually in the midst of taking a training class at work on Negotiating. The next day we spent quite a bit of time talking about self-limiting beliefs. It got me to thinking about my last post where I was talking about how I still see myself as I was before my gastric bypass surgery. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror all the time, etc…
So I thought I would share some of what I learned in my class as I felt it was quite applicable.
When we believe that we have a right o what we want, and when we believe we can be successful in achieving it, then we tend to go after it with a certain amount of gusto and confidence. When we do not believe that we have a right to something or cannot achieve something, then we tend to overreact or underreact or not try at all. Our disbelief makes us afraid and our fear makes us distrustful and unempowered. Consequently, we either approach what we want in a whimpering kind of way that others do not take seriously, or we puff up our courage and approach it so aggressively that others become defensive and non-cooperative. If we get scared enough, then we do not bother trying at all.
The amazing thing about our beliefs is that others believe us. Beliefs are contagious. When we believe that we can’t, others believe we can’t. When we believe that we can, others pick up on our confidence and believe that we can do what we say we can do. Others do not question us unless we question ourselves. They respect us as much as we expect to be respected. It is as if we walk around with a price tag hanging on our hat. Sometimes our price tag says we are worth a dollar, and other times fifty cents, and still other times we are willing to pay others to take us off their hands. Other people always seem to know what we believe we are worth, and they rarely give us more than we believe we are worth.
Our beliefs are formed out of particular experiences but we generalize those particular experiences. We assume that what happened to us in one situation or with a particular person will also happen in other situations with other people, especially in other situations and with other people who seem similar. Hence, we become scripted or predisposed to expect certain things in life. Our beliefs act as a filter system through which we interpret all of our life experiences.
Our self-limiting beliefs were formed from those times in our lives when we were not successful in getting what we needed.
Our empowering beliefs were formed from those times in our lives when we were successful at getting the results we needed. From these experiences, we developed the internal trust in ourselves that we could act and be successful.
What we say to ourselves creates boundaries around our behavior and therefore the results that we get. We act or don’t act effectively depending upon what we say to ourselves. What we do or fail to do produces our results.
All of us will find ourselves grappling with self-limiting beliefs in life. The important issue for us is what to do when we find ourselves feeling unempowered. We have several options for managing self-limiting beliefs.
Option One: Check Out the Data
Sometimes we are stuck in self-limiting beliefs because we don’t have all the facts or our facts are inaccurate. Having distorted or incomplete data can cause us to make false assumptions that unnecessarily limit us.
Option Two: Get Input From Others
A second option for moving beyond our self-limiting beliefs is to talk to others in order to get a broader perspective on the situation and what our options are. Sometimes too, others have had different experiences that may apply to our situation. We may be able to learn something from their experience.
Option Three: Take It a Step at a Time
Sometimes the way through our self-limiting beliefs is to divide our situation into easily manageable steps. Sometimes we castrophize our situation or blow it out of proportion and overwhelm ourselves by what we are saying to ourselves.
Option Four: Resolve Past Issues
At times we are stuck in our self-limiting beliefs because we are unresolved about some past experience. We may need to get resolved either with ourselves or with others in order to change our beliefs.
What we believe about ourselves and what we need can either help us succeed or lead to failure. If we believe we deserve what we need, we will be empowered by the belief.
I think for so many years I didn’t believe I deserved to be anything other than fat. I assumed that because I had tried to lose weight before and failed – that was going to happen again – so why even try? That belief became my script for life in so many things other than my weight.
And because I believed that I did not deserve that – neither did anyone else. Why should they?
But if I “check out the data” and look at the numbers and the pictures – I’m doing it – I’m living the life I never thought I could have. If I get input from others – they see what sometimes I can’t see in myself. If I take it a step at a time and make it manageable steps – I can deal with it. If I resolve some of my unresolved past issues I can change what I believe I can do and therefore what I am capable of in the future.
I am a work in progress. My brain has not caught up with what I see in the mirror – but I’m working at it. It took me years to get to where I was 120 pounds ago. It may take some time to un-do that. But I owe it to myself and to those around me to stop my self-limiting beliefs so that I can empower not only myself but my children, my family, my friends – much the same way they have done for me over the past few years.
So I thought I would share some of what I learned in my class as I felt it was quite applicable.
When we believe that we have a right o what we want, and when we believe we can be successful in achieving it, then we tend to go after it with a certain amount of gusto and confidence. When we do not believe that we have a right to something or cannot achieve something, then we tend to overreact or underreact or not try at all. Our disbelief makes us afraid and our fear makes us distrustful and unempowered. Consequently, we either approach what we want in a whimpering kind of way that others do not take seriously, or we puff up our courage and approach it so aggressively that others become defensive and non-cooperative. If we get scared enough, then we do not bother trying at all.
The amazing thing about our beliefs is that others believe us. Beliefs are contagious. When we believe that we can’t, others believe we can’t. When we believe that we can, others pick up on our confidence and believe that we can do what we say we can do. Others do not question us unless we question ourselves. They respect us as much as we expect to be respected. It is as if we walk around with a price tag hanging on our hat. Sometimes our price tag says we are worth a dollar, and other times fifty cents, and still other times we are willing to pay others to take us off their hands. Other people always seem to know what we believe we are worth, and they rarely give us more than we believe we are worth.
Our beliefs are formed out of particular experiences but we generalize those particular experiences. We assume that what happened to us in one situation or with a particular person will also happen in other situations with other people, especially in other situations and with other people who seem similar. Hence, we become scripted or predisposed to expect certain things in life. Our beliefs act as a filter system through which we interpret all of our life experiences.
Our self-limiting beliefs were formed from those times in our lives when we were not successful in getting what we needed.
Our empowering beliefs were formed from those times in our lives when we were successful at getting the results we needed. From these experiences, we developed the internal trust in ourselves that we could act and be successful.
What we say to ourselves creates boundaries around our behavior and therefore the results that we get. We act or don’t act effectively depending upon what we say to ourselves. What we do or fail to do produces our results.
All of us will find ourselves grappling with self-limiting beliefs in life. The important issue for us is what to do when we find ourselves feeling unempowered. We have several options for managing self-limiting beliefs.
Option One: Check Out the Data
Sometimes we are stuck in self-limiting beliefs because we don’t have all the facts or our facts are inaccurate. Having distorted or incomplete data can cause us to make false assumptions that unnecessarily limit us.
Option Two: Get Input From Others
A second option for moving beyond our self-limiting beliefs is to talk to others in order to get a broader perspective on the situation and what our options are. Sometimes too, others have had different experiences that may apply to our situation. We may be able to learn something from their experience.
Option Three: Take It a Step at a Time
Sometimes the way through our self-limiting beliefs is to divide our situation into easily manageable steps. Sometimes we castrophize our situation or blow it out of proportion and overwhelm ourselves by what we are saying to ourselves.
Option Four: Resolve Past Issues
At times we are stuck in our self-limiting beliefs because we are unresolved about some past experience. We may need to get resolved either with ourselves or with others in order to change our beliefs.
What we believe about ourselves and what we need can either help us succeed or lead to failure. If we believe we deserve what we need, we will be empowered by the belief.
I think for so many years I didn’t believe I deserved to be anything other than fat. I assumed that because I had tried to lose weight before and failed – that was going to happen again – so why even try? That belief became my script for life in so many things other than my weight.
And because I believed that I did not deserve that – neither did anyone else. Why should they?
But if I “check out the data” and look at the numbers and the pictures – I’m doing it – I’m living the life I never thought I could have. If I get input from others – they see what sometimes I can’t see in myself. If I take it a step at a time and make it manageable steps – I can deal with it. If I resolve some of my unresolved past issues I can change what I believe I can do and therefore what I am capable of in the future.
I am a work in progress. My brain has not caught up with what I see in the mirror – but I’m working at it. It took me years to get to where I was 120 pounds ago. It may take some time to un-do that. But I owe it to myself and to those around me to stop my self-limiting beliefs so that I can empower not only myself but my children, my family, my friends – much the same way they have done for me over the past few years.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Who is that?
A few years ago my girls were featured in a local news spot called "Pint Size Sports" for their involvement in the local recreational tee ball team. It was lots of fun and I hadn't thought about the spot for a while. I was recently talking to a friend about his children's involvement in the same tee ball league and thought I would show him the video.
I forgot that I was in that video. After I appeared my friend said "Who was that?" Well, it was me. "It sounded like you, but that wasn't you." What do you mean? That was me. He rewinded it and looked at it again ... looked at me ... looked at the video again. He was like "No."
Here's the thing - I know I look different now, but that is still how I see myself. When I do look in the mirror - at first I'm almost taken back. I may catch a glimpse of myself in a window as I'm walking by and for a moment I actually think it is someone else - maybe someone walking beside me? When is my mind going to catch up with what is in the mirror?
I forgot that I was in that video. After I appeared my friend said "Who was that?" Well, it was me. "It sounded like you, but that wasn't you." What do you mean? That was me. He rewinded it and looked at it again ... looked at me ... looked at the video again. He was like "No."
Here's the thing - I know I look different now, but that is still how I see myself. When I do look in the mirror - at first I'm almost taken back. I may catch a glimpse of myself in a window as I'm walking by and for a moment I actually think it is someone else - maybe someone walking beside me? When is my mind going to catch up with what is in the mirror?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Summer Reflection
This summer took a lot more out of me than I was willing to admit. Between finding the kidney tumor and having my kidney removed to the pancreatitis and finding the culprit for that and getting it fixed. I am known for being the Queen of Denial. It's such a pretty place and I love to live there. But I have had a really hard time bouncing back from all of this. I have had a lot of post-surgical pain and I have been quite simply exhausted. I feel like I was physically, emotionally, spiritually drained. I was feeling beat up - like every time I turned around something else was going wrong. I know everyone feels like that from time to time, but seriously this was ridiculous. And to be honest - a part of me feels like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to fall even now.
Then there was the stress fracture in my foot which also had me laid up for a while. I have been given the go ahead to start putting more pressure on that foot and to start exercising. I was very anxious to get back to running, but was warned to start slow and to ease back into it. Not only because of my foot, but because of the surgeries, etc... So I started walking this weekend, and as I listened to my body I had to regretfully admit - I am so not ready to run yet. So I guess I will have to be content to walk some more and do some more cardio to work on my endurance, etc... I am still determined to do a half marathon. I will not let my body sideline me for long.
To add to all this wondrous-ness (yes - my own made up word), my husband hit a deer (or a deer hit him - at this point it doesn't really matter) with my car and the insurance company decided to total the car. So now in the midst of all this we need to find a car. Normally this would be fun for me. Who doesn't want a new car? I don't want a new car right now - I just don't have it in me to make this decision right now.
I promise to be better about my blogging. I know, I know. You've heard that all before. :) But I swear! I promise to do better.
Then there was the stress fracture in my foot which also had me laid up for a while. I have been given the go ahead to start putting more pressure on that foot and to start exercising. I was very anxious to get back to running, but was warned to start slow and to ease back into it. Not only because of my foot, but because of the surgeries, etc... So I started walking this weekend, and as I listened to my body I had to regretfully admit - I am so not ready to run yet. So I guess I will have to be content to walk some more and do some more cardio to work on my endurance, etc... I am still determined to do a half marathon. I will not let my body sideline me for long.
To add to all this wondrous-ness (yes - my own made up word), my husband hit a deer (or a deer hit him - at this point it doesn't really matter) with my car and the insurance company decided to total the car. So now in the midst of all this we need to find a car. Normally this would be fun for me. Who doesn't want a new car? I don't want a new car right now - I just don't have it in me to make this decision right now.
I promise to be better about my blogging. I know, I know. You've heard that all before. :) But I swear! I promise to do better.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Interesting
I have noticed some interesting things since my surgical ERCP. I was always kinda disappointed after my gastric bypass that I was an inconsistent dumper at best. I did this surgery this way because I wanted those very specific rules to help me eat right. The inconsistency allowed me to test the waters which was always a little scary.
But since the surgical ERCP - I dump like a truck. The littlest bit of sugar and I am miserable ... for hours! I talked to my bariatric surgeon about it when I had my follow up appointment with him earlier this week. He said it kind of made sense because now that they opened up the sphincter of oddi the bile, etc... is making it to the intestines much better - that would be assisting in the dumping syndrome.
Also, since the surgical ERCP my weight loss has kicked back in. I have been quite steady for at least 8 months. Now I am losing weight again. I am down to a weight my scale has never seen and only 6 pounds from my goal weight! I am more motivated than ever! Especially since I am very limited in whatever exercise I can do because of my foot. If I can't exercise I need to pay closer attention to what I'm eating.
But since the surgical ERCP - I dump like a truck. The littlest bit of sugar and I am miserable ... for hours! I talked to my bariatric surgeon about it when I had my follow up appointment with him earlier this week. He said it kind of made sense because now that they opened up the sphincter of oddi the bile, etc... is making it to the intestines much better - that would be assisting in the dumping syndrome.
Also, since the surgical ERCP my weight loss has kicked back in. I have been quite steady for at least 8 months. Now I am losing weight again. I am down to a weight my scale has never seen and only 6 pounds from my goal weight! I am more motivated than ever! Especially since I am very limited in whatever exercise I can do because of my foot. If I can't exercise I need to pay closer attention to what I'm eating.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Catching Up
Whew! It's been a crazy couple of weeks. I'm sorry I haven't posted. Recovering from the surgical ERCP took way more out of me than I anticipated. The hematoma that developed at one of the incision sites is still giving me a bit of grief. I am getting it checked out tomorrow. And last week we took a much needed family vacation to Orlando, FL. So I am just now getting back into the swing of things.
I am feeling so much better. I have felt like crap all summer long and I am finally feeling "right" again. It is re-assuring to know that I wasn't losing my mind - something was wrong with me. I'm hoping that this ERCP really fixes things and I don't have this problem again. At least not for a while - I'm so done with hospitals right now.
Vacation was incredible. I haven't had a vacation like that in years. None of us wanted to leave at the end. Usually by the end of vacation I'm ready to get back to the real world and I'm sick of all the people I'm with (yeah - you know who you are wink wink). :) I don't know if it's just the timing of the vacation after all the crap I've been through this summer, or if I maybe imbibed a little too much of the happy pills or pain killers and was just really enjoying myself, or what, but this vacation was simply heavenly. We did go to Disney, but I think that even if we had not done that we still would have enjoyed ourselves immensely. Everyone just had a really great time.
Not everything went perfectly while we were there, but it was all good. I had planned a surprise for the kids that would make me the coolest mom ever. I got them tickets to a Jonas Brothers concert. Unfortunately, there were flash floods in the area and they flooded the amphitheater the concert was at and the concert got cancelled. So I'll have to find something else to make me the cool mom, I guess.
I am feeling so much better. I have felt like crap all summer long and I am finally feeling "right" again. It is re-assuring to know that I wasn't losing my mind - something was wrong with me. I'm hoping that this ERCP really fixes things and I don't have this problem again. At least not for a while - I'm so done with hospitals right now.
Vacation was incredible. I haven't had a vacation like that in years. None of us wanted to leave at the end. Usually by the end of vacation I'm ready to get back to the real world and I'm sick of all the people I'm with (yeah - you know who you are wink wink). :) I don't know if it's just the timing of the vacation after all the crap I've been through this summer, or if I maybe imbibed a little too much of the happy pills or pain killers and was just really enjoying myself, or what, but this vacation was simply heavenly. We did go to Disney, but I think that even if we had not done that we still would have enjoyed ourselves immensely. Everyone just had a really great time.
Not everything went perfectly while we were there, but it was all good. I had planned a surprise for the kids that would make me the coolest mom ever. I got them tickets to a Jonas Brothers concert. Unfortunately, there were flash floods in the area and they flooded the amphitheater the concert was at and the concert got cancelled. So I'll have to find something else to make me the cool mom, I guess.
And as if on cue, when we got back - I could not walk without a lot of pain in my right foot. Apparently, practically being in bed all summer is not conducive to then getting up and walking for 2 days through Disney, and I now have a stress fracture in that foot. I think I may have officially kissed my chances of doing the Myrtle Beach Mini Marathon this year goodbye. Whoever has the voodoo doll of me - seriously - I think I've paid my dues. Whatever I did to you - I'm sorry - please stop.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Going Home
I have finally been cleared to go home! Yeah! I've been here for a week and I'm so ready to go home and sleep in my own bed and take a shower.
The pancreatitis pain is much better - the only pain I'm dealing with right now is a hematoma that has developed at one of my incisions. The doctors are hoping that it will re-absorb on it's own - but it will take a while and until then it's pretty painful.
Thanks to everyone for your kind words and prayers through all of this.
The pancreatitis pain is much better - the only pain I'm dealing with right now is a hematoma that has developed at one of my incisions. The doctors are hoping that it will re-absorb on it's own - but it will take a while and until then it's pretty painful.
Thanks to everyone for your kind words and prayers through all of this.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Still Here
OK - going on day 7 at the hospital. My pancreatitis that flared up after the operation seems to have calmed down a bit and my lypase levels are back in the normal range. I was also put on clear liquids this morning. Who knew chicken broth could taste so good.
I have also developed a large hematoma at one of the incision sites. It hurts like the dickens and is very tender to the touch. Right now they are just watching it and hoping that my body reabsorbs it.
Other than that I'm finally starting to feel better - I even went for a little walk around the floor today. Let's hope I'm moving in the right direction.
I have also developed a large hematoma at one of the incision sites. It hurts like the dickens and is very tender to the touch. Right now they are just watching it and hoping that my body reabsorbs it.
Other than that I'm finally starting to feel better - I even went for a little walk around the floor today. Let's hope I'm moving in the right direction.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Let's hope this works
OK - so I had a laparoscopic transgastric approach endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography with sphincterotomy yesterday. Apparently my Sphincter of Oddi was very narrow - about the size of a pin head. When the surgeon went in and cut it open he said that the bile and sludge really started to flow. So he feels the surgery was a success and he said he has a 99% success rate with this procedure. While I'm not at all happy that I had one more thing go wrong this year, I am at least relieved that we have found a reason for it, and everyone feels that I will stop having bouts of pancreatitis now and will start to feel much better.
Unfortunately, one of the side effects of the procedure I had done is that I actually have another bout of pancreatitis. This is because they were in there messing with it. It's not as bad as my past bouts by any means - but it means that I will be here in the hospital through the rest of the weekend as pancreatitis is nothing to mess with.
I also just started itching really bad all over. We think it is a reaction to the morphine I had in the OR. All I know is I'm about to scratch my ever lovin' skin right off. EVERYTHING itches. And I am quite sore from the surgery - it was laparoscopic so that helps - but it appears as though they bruised one of my ribs with one of the trocars. All the extra skin makes things difficult and there was a lot of tugging and pulling.
So I have been here in the hospital for 6 days - will be here for 7 or 8 at this point. It's kinda lonely. I miss my family and my bed.
Unfortunately, one of the side effects of the procedure I had done is that I actually have another bout of pancreatitis. This is because they were in there messing with it. It's not as bad as my past bouts by any means - but it means that I will be here in the hospital through the rest of the weekend as pancreatitis is nothing to mess with.
I also just started itching really bad all over. We think it is a reaction to the morphine I had in the OR. All I know is I'm about to scratch my ever lovin' skin right off. EVERYTHING itches. And I am quite sore from the surgery - it was laparoscopic so that helps - but it appears as though they bruised one of my ribs with one of the trocars. All the extra skin makes things difficult and there was a lot of tugging and pulling.
So I have been here in the hospital for 6 days - will be here for 7 or 8 at this point. It's kinda lonely. I miss my family and my bed.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Stir Crazy
OK - so it's been 5 days in the hospital. I'm going a little stir crazy here.
That's all.
Thanks for listening.
That's all.
Thanks for listening.
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