Half the battle

Half the battle with any exercise plan is just getting out the door.  Sometimes I feel it's about 90% of the battle.  This is a great article on Active.com about just that thing:

http://www.active.com/running/Articles/Just_Getting_Out_the_Door.htm?cmp=17-1-240

Just Do It!

New Inspiration

Yes, many mea culpa's for not being a better blogger.  As usual - I have many excuses - the chief of which is the flu that hit our house and took us all out for a few weeks.  I am still dealing with a lingering sinus infection from it.

I also have a new job.  I still work for Fidelity Investments, I just took a new position in a different part of the company.  It's a Project Manager position in the Institutional Technology Group.  I'm very excited to be focusing more on my Project Management skills and abilities and to be taking on new challenges.

And I have been struggling with the inspiration to get my running going again.  To be honest - I have been almost afraid to get going again because it seems as thought every time I do something happens that trips me up again.  I know in my head that the two aren't related, but they sure feel like it.

But I think I have found my new inspiration.  My daughter, Megan, has informed me that she wants to run a 5K with me.  There is a 5K that our school does as a fund raiser every year and she has told me that she really wants to run that race with me.  I ran it last year and did the fun run with her afterwards, but this year she says she wants to do the 5K and she wants us to cross the finish line together.

And isn't this why I had the surgery? Why I lost all the weight?  To change the legacy that I was leaving for my children?  Wow.  Kinda huge for me.  And definitely the best inspiration I have had in a long time.  I truly believe that just about anyone can do a 5K if they really want to.  So my 2nd grader is about to do her first!  We started our running training today.  It's GORGEOUS here in North Carolina today.  About 78 degrees and a beautiful Carolina sky.  We did a run/walk combo for about 1.5 miles.  We are looking forward to increasing our running endurance and mileage in the coming weeks.

Strongholds

Who knew Lane Bryant would be a stronghold in my life?

I keep getting their emails and their catalogs in the mail.  I enjoy throwing them away.  But this last time I got this twinge that I should really just take my name off the mailing list.  It's a waste for them to send this to me. I have been a size 10 for a year now.  But part of me can't quite let go.  Part of me feels like I need to hold on ... just in case?  Like a safety net?  How silly - its just a catalog!  like I can't get back on that mailing list in a snap if I need to? 

I don't need to!  I am a size 10 - for real!  It's been a year.  I am not going back.  I refuse to go back!

But dang I love those clothes and that lingerie.

But I don't fit in it anymore!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  Why is this so hard?

It's all good ... kinda

So I had my 6 month check up with Dr. Jalkut.  But before the actual appointment I had bloodwork and an abdominal and pelvic CT.  Dr. Jalkut said (and I quote!) "You're perfect!"  My bloodwork showed that Liza (the name I have given to my remaining kidney - as you all know I name everything) is functioning very well all on her own now that Elvira is gone.  The CT showed NEOD - otherwise known as No Evidence Of Disease.  :)

I am a very fortunate girl to have caught the tumor when we did (just .10 cm short of stage 2 renal cell carcinoma).  To know that the cancer is gone and that I have essentially beaten this thing is a wonderful feeling.

The CT itself is not hard.  The prep before hand is NASTY.  You have to drink this stuff called Readi-Cat 2.  It's Barium Sulfate suspension liquid.  You get to choose between two lovely flavors - berry or mocha.  In other words crap and coffee flavored crap.  It used to be that you only had to drink one big jug of the stuff.  But recently they have changed that and now you have to drink two big jugs of the stuff.  You start 1.5 hours before the scheduled scan and you drink 1 jug in 10 minutes.  Then 30 minutes later you drink the 2nd jug in 10 minutes.  This is a feat in and of itself - to get the whole jug down in 10 minutes.  Then at the CT they do an IV with contrast in it while you are being scanned. 

While the Readi-Cat was nasty - I lived through it. But in the afternoon I started feeling nasty.  It quickly turned into excruciating abdominal pain.  The pain was severe and lasted about 4 hours.  Once I got through the pain I practically passed out into a coma for the next 11 hours.  I have talked with my doctor and I presented as though I was having an overdose reaction to the Readi-Cat.  Wondering if because of the gastric bypass (smaller pouchy tummy and not as much intestines for it to go through) if two bottles of the crap was too much.  I'm hoping to get some more definitive answer to that before I have to do the CT Scan again in 6 months because that was really not fun at all.

Funk Be Gone

OK - since my last post I've been doing my darndest to get out of this funk.  That has meant that I have run twice since that post.  Not fast and not long, but I'm running.  And it doesn't hurt - it feels like it used to - it feels good.  I'm trying to take it slow and get back into it at a decent pace instead of jumping in over my head and immediately trying to go too far.  I do have some races in my mind, but I don't dare say out loud what they are.

And I pulled out my tape measure to compare my measurements from last year.  I have lost an inch or two in several places - waist - rib cage - bust - hips - thighs.  So while my weight seems to have stabilized - I have still been kind of settling into this new body of mine.  I am consistently in a size 10 or medium.  I would have never have dreamed I would get here. 

Speaking of this new body ...  I have started meeting with some plastic surgeons to start to understand what my options may be in this area.  I don't plan on doing anything in the near future (I think my husband would have divorce me if I put myself back in the hospital willingly at this point).  I also called the insurance company to understand if they would ever cover an abdominoplasty.  They said they do cover abdominoplasty if it can be proved that it's medically necessary.  I think I need to find a doctor willing to help me prove it's medically necessary.  The first surgeon I went to was not at all interested in doing that.  He doesn't deal with insurance unless it's reconstructive surgery.  He also has his own OR in his office that he uses.  I get that - I see the advantages, but with my medical history - I'm thinking that may not be the best idea I ever had.  Not sure - have to think that through.  Doing it in their own OR keeps costs down - but - I just don't know.  Even though I know I won't go to this surgeon - dang it if he didn't get me all excited about the possibilities that a tummy tuck and some liposuction could provide. Wowie Mommy!  I have more consultations coming up - so we'll see what that reveals.

Speaking of doctors and hospitals and all that jazz.  I have my 6 month check up this coming week.  I did bloodwork this past week and I have the full abdominal CT Scan on Tuesday before meeting with my urologist.  I am nervous, but I'm fully expecting a clean report.  :)

What is my problem?

So I hit my 2 year surgiversary mark and it's a new year.  I am gun-shy to set any goals for myself.  I think it's because 2010 was such a SUCKY year for me.  I set goals and was not able to meet any of them because of my health issues.  It is really kind of messing with my head - so much so that I have been unable to "see the forest for the trees" as a friend of mine recently pointed out. 

I'm at the point where a lot of WLS patients start to experience regain.  And if anyone had an excuse for regain this year - it's me. 5 surgeries in one year.  Kidney Cancer, middle ear tumor, pancreatitis, internal hernia, wisdom teeth removed.  For someone who is acustomed to eating her feelings ... this past year was one huge exercise in restraint for me.

But I am feeling like I need to get back on the wagon and do what I know I need to do.  Why am I so afraid to start running again?  Probably because every time I have tried to get my running going again something else happens and I have to stop.  Another surgery - another injury.  I'm just feeling like this past year is finally catching up with me.  I've been strong for a good long time and now I'm just tired.

I am in a funk.  I can't get going.  I haven't been blogging.  I haven't been running.  I'm tired and I need to wake up.

Surgiversary and such

I had my 2 year surgiversary a couple of days ago.  Hard to believe it has been 2 years.  I am not home right now to be able to do my measurements and such.  I will have to do that when I get back home after the holidays.

I am disappointed in my 2nd year.  I had high hopes for what I was going to accomplish and not a whole lot of it came to fruition because of the various health issues I faced this year.  I did loose a little bit more weight - but not a whole lot - pretty negligible actually.  I am 120 pounds down from where I started.  I am in a size 10 and holding.  I would like to lose another 10-15 pounds and I really need to get this extra skin taken care of.  I need to get back to my running and get that half marathon under my belt.  Whenever I have tried to get back to my running I am still experiencing some pain in my abdomen.  I have also not completely said goodbye to the pancreatitis pain that I had experienced in the summer.  So I need to deal with that soon.  I have been firmly camped out in the Land of Denial for some time.  It's so pretty here.  But I'm just not ready to be dealing with doctors and such again.

I am a bit melancholy as I say goodbye to 2010.  I am not sure why.  I am anxious to bid adieu to this year with fervor.  It was not good to me by any means. 2011 has to be better, right?

Another fantastic recipe from The World According to Egg Face

I have been trying to get back to some basics with my eating.  A great way to do that is to follow Michelle Vicari and her WLS friendly recipes on her blog The World According to Egg Face.  She has some fantastic recipes on there. 

Today I tried her Ricota Bake Cups.  Oh good moogli googli.  Fantastic.

Shelly's Ricotta Bake Cups


1/2 cup Ricotta Cheese
1 Tablespoon Parmesan, grated
1 Egg Yolk
1/2 teaspoon Italian Seasonings (Oregano, Basil, Garlic Blend)
a few twists of Black Pepper
Mozzarella Cheese, shredded
Large Pepperoni Slices (from deli department, not prepackaged)


Mix all ingredients together (except mozzarella cheese and pepperoni slices) till well blended.



Place a pepperoni slice in each hole of a mini muffin tin. Spoon a tablespoon of ricotta mixture into each pepperoni "cup" sprinkle top with a pinch of mozzarella cheese.



Bake at 375 for 10 minutes. Allow to cool slightly and remove from tin. Reheat in toaster oven or broiler.


OH MAN - it's so good.

Get. You. Some.

You will get what you ask for.

The family and I watched Evan Almighty tonight.  It's one of my favorite movies.  I love to be reminded of how it has never been easy to follow God.  Looking at the story of Noah - a story I have known forever - but looking at it in a different way ...  It could not have been easy to be Noah - or his family for that matter.  We read the story and in the Bible it's pretty straightforward - God told him to build an ark and he did it.  But can you imagine? 

Or how about Mary?  Seriously?  A young girl has to not only convince her fiance she didn't cheat on him - but live with the stares and the rumors and the gossip.  Not only for her pregnancy - but probably the rest of her life.

There is a quote from the movie that always gets to me.

Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

Now I don't know about you - but I stopped praying for patience a long time ago.   I HATE opportunities to be patient.  UGH.  And yet apparently I still need that lesson.  But have you ever found that when you pray for different things you expect God to just give them to you - but instead he gives you opportunities to exercise that muscle.  So be careful what you pray for.  :)
 
For instance ...
 
Lord, use me in my husband's life.
Lord, I want to shine for you at work.
 
Even the mundane like ...
 
Lord - thank you for this tool that is WLS to help me make these changes in my life. 
 
Whoops - now I've got to exercise that muscle.  Great.
 
God never promised us that life would be easy - only that He would be with us all the way.  I think most of all - He wants us to reach out for His hand and allow Him to lead us and help us.
 
So be on the look out for the opportunities He is giving you to get just what you prayed for.  :)

I so get this

Someone just pointed me to this article on the link in the brain between overeating and drug use.

Overeating, like drugs use, Rewards and Alters the Brain

It is a good read and can explain to those who don't unerstand why some people just can't diet their way out of obesity.