OK - let's do this!

So I'm thinking that maybe I should have stayed in the hospital another night and let them wait on me. :) Last night was more difficult than I had anticipated. I woke up about 3am in a lot of pain. I had tried to sleep in my bed, and I don't think I'm quite ready for that. The pain was a combination of gas pains (from all the gas they pump into your abdoment during the laparoscopic procedure) and the anesthesia wearing off just as I went home. Just before I left the hospital the nurse removed my drainage tube. I won't go into too much detail for y'all, but it was gross and felt so weird. So I moved to the recliner last night and that has proven to be much easier.

One thing I was told would happen was that I would come home from surgery weighing more than when I went in simply because of all the fluids they pump in to you through your IV, etc... Well, they were right! I had gained almost 10 pounds when I got home! A little discouraging to say the least, but I know it's just temporary.

So now the challenge is getting in all of the liquids that I need to get in a day! My instructions are to take in 1 ounce every 15 minutes. That is just much harder than it sounds. Not to mention my vitamins, supplements, and medications - all either in liquid form or crushed. Yuck. Liquid Vicodin is my friend, but it sure tastes nasty!

GOING HOME

Dr. Enochs came to visit me this evening (all svelt in his 3 piece suit!) and after giving me the once over told me that I could go home this evening if I wanted to. He just wanted to make sure that I got a good night's rest - so if I could get more rest here I could stay for another night, otherwise if I was more comfortable at home I could go home. I think the kids are going to spend another evening at my mom's house and I am going to go home to my very own bed. Mom gave me a feather bed for Christmas this year and I absolutely love it! So I am going to settle in to my very comfortable bed with my very wonderful pain medicine and try to get back to a regular schedule and a regular life as quickly as possible.

WATER!

I finally had my barium swallow test and was cleared to be able to drink clear liquids! Water has never tasted so good. I can just sip a little bit at a time, but if this goes well I should be able to try things like broth and sugar free jello soon.

I'm on the Loser's Bench!

So surgery went well yesterday. I woke up feeling very nauseous, but the wonderful nurses here at Rex Hospital took care of me and I managed to get through it without actually getting sick. It has been a little bit more painful that I had thought it would be. I think it's mainly the gas that they pump into your belly for the laparoscopic procedure. It's not nearly as bad as my open hysterectomy was earlier this year. I have been up and walking around several times since about 10:00pm last night. For some reason I couldn't sleep very well last night - I was up most of the night, despite hitting my "Happy Button" several times.

So now I am just waiting for my barium swallow test. It's an contrast x-ray that they will do to ensure that there are no leaks. I am not allowed to have anything to drink until this test confirms that there are no leaks. I have only been able to use a small sponge on a stick (think lollipop) to coat my lips. No swallowing any of the water in it. Once that test is done I will be able to start back on clear liquids. I need to have 1-2 ounces every 15 minutes as long as I'm awake. Honestly, at this point, that sounds like an awful lot. When I went off to surgery I was SO HUNGRY. I had never been so hungry. But I am so NOT HUNGRY now. It's true what they say - it's like a switch - I'm not hungry.

The nutritionist just came in to see me and see if I had any questions about my transition. She was very informative and helped me with a few questions about my vitamins and medications. I have my multi-vitamins in liquid form, as well as my calcium and B-12 in liquid form. I had my current prescriptions changed so that I could crush them.

I'm going to take a little nap while I'm waiting to go to XRay. Thank you to all of you who have been checking in on me! It means more to me than you will ever know!

Check in with y'all later!

We're off to see the Wizard!

As my lovely husband said just a minute ago "We're off to see the Wizard!" Yeah!

The past couple of days have been difficult with the clear liquid diet, but it has given me a bit of a head start on the weight loss that is for sure. I am so hungry - I have been totally avoiding the kitchen at all costs. My mom just came to get the kids before we leave and I can hear her in there cleaning. YIKES!

I am a mix of weird emotions right now. I'm so excited and can't wait to begin this new journey, but I'm mourning a bit as well as I divorce myself from some of my favorite foods. For some reason I'm a little weepy - can't quite put my finger on that one.

Thank you to everyone who has so graciously offered me well wishes, good thoughts, and most importantly prayers. I covet them all. I will try to update this blog as soon as I can.

Luvy'all!

More than just the physical

So God has been working on my heart today - the day before my surgery - that this change MUST be about more than just the physical - it must be spiritual - a total transformation of my life.

The first was a radio piece that I was listening to on the way to church this morning. It was about Mike Huckabee, former governor and presidential candidate. They talked about how he had lost over 100 pounds a few years ago and how he had to confront a few of his own demons regarding his faith and how he had mistreated his body which is considered a temple. Specifically looking at the sin of gluttony - you know - that one no one wants to talk about? :)

Then I had church this morning. I do video projection for our church and whenever I am on for video projection I have to do all 3 services. So I had a chance to ruminate over the message 3 times! :) It was about Pressing on in 2009. As the new year approaches lots of people are prone to making resolutions. I've never really been one to make resolutions - I can't take the guilt when I fail! But seeing as how I am having WLS and I have been feeling like 2009 would be my year - the year to make the changes I have been struggling with for so long. But I am struck with the knowledge that these changes have to be complete and total. I can't just have WLS and eat less and exercise - building those new physical habits without addressing the other vital part of my being - my spiritual being - would just be a recipe for failure.

The sermon was based on Philippians 3:10-14.

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Pressing on Toward the Goal 12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

So taking the outline of the sermon - this is some of what God was laying on my heart. First are the four goals outlined in the above text.

1. To know Jesus more - For me to turn my focus more to Jesus and less on myself - especially as I face the next few months and re-evaluate my relationship with food. Instead of turning to food I need to be turning to my Lord for my satisfaction.
2. To experience His power - God still works in miraculous ways. I want to be an open vessel to Him - not only to experience His power - but to help others see it.
3. To share in His sufferings - Pastor Ben said today that Any time there is suffering - there is a call to intimacy. I'm fairly certain that the next week or so will bring me some suffering as I sever my relationship with food. In replacement I need to drawing nearer to God. Pastor Ben also said that if you are not willing to go through the pain - your vision or dream is not very big. I have a big dream and I am finally willing to do the hard things required to achieve it.
4. To strive in eternal life - Keep your eye on the ultimate prize - what's truly important - when Jesus is at the center all other things fall in to place. You must have long term goals to keep from being frustrated by short term failures. I must remember I'm in this for the long haul.

But besides goals, Paul gave us ways to accomplish those goals in his letter to the Philippians as well.

1. Have a humble attitude - all I could think was "Pamelot"! Yeah - me and humility - I got some work to do there.
2. Maintain a singular focus - In Christ alone I place my trust.
3. Remember God's claim on your life - my calling is to worship God with my life. If I am worthy of His calling - why have I been treating my body this way?
4. Do not be imprisoned by your past - whether it's bad and you are stuck in guilt, or whether they were better times and you wish you could bring them back. Don't look back - don't rest on it - rest in the Lord.
5. Run the race today as if it were your last - no more excuses - no more postponing what I know needs to be done.

So as I sit here eyeing the cookies my kids are having with their lunch while I am surviving on clear liquids, I am encouraged by all that I have heard this morning. God is working on me - changing me from the inside out - literally and figuratively! I need to learn to subsist on Him!

Hell Week Begins!

So Hell Week begins here in my house. I start clear liquids later on today in preparation for my surgery on Monday afternoon, and then I have to continue clear liquids for another week after my surgery. I just keep having to tell myself ... I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

Hunger Hormones - who knew!

I have found some very interesting and educational articles recently. Here is one by National Geographic:

http://science.nationalgeographic.com/science/health-and-human-body/human-body/fat-costs.html

The National Geographic Channel is also running a show called The Science of Obesity on this Sunday at 3pm. I haven't seen the show myself, but I have heard it is very interesting and educational. Here is a link with more about that show:

http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/episode/science-of-obesity-3082/Overview

Another show that I really like to watch is Big Medicine on TLC. Here's a link to that as well:

http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/big-medicine/big-medicine.html

But the most interesting information I have found on gastric bypass and the difference between it and say the Lap-Band is regarding the Hunger Hormones in our body. I had no idea that our body had hormones that control our appetite, our hunger, our physiological reaction to dieting or conversely - over-eating. I can't explain it as well as the experts - so here are some links to some very well written articles on the subject that you may find interesting:

http://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20040712/gastric-bypass-curb-hunger-hormone

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3889185.stm

http://news.bio-medicine.org/medicine-news-2/Hunger-hormone-may-be-key-in-weight-loss-8006-1/

Happy reading!

UGH!

It's Christmas Day. Merry Christmas to me - I am going to have my surgery in just 3 more days! And not soon enough if you ask me. Today while at my parents house celebrating Christmas I was sitting in one of their hammock chairs on the back porch - enjoying the beautiful North Carolina weather on Christmas and talking to my dad. The doorbell rang to signal that my friend, Rachel, had arrived and I went to get up to greet her. Only instead of getting up, the chair ripped and I fell through to the bottom and got stuck. Here is a glimpse at the damage.



















If it wasn't for the fact that I am having my surgery in 3 days - I would have cried. Even though it was just my family around - I felt totally humiliated. I wasn't even sure if I could post the picture of me in the chair - it disgusts me. I can't wait to be done being fat.

5 More Days!

I had my pre-op appointment at the hospital today. I filled out a bunch of paperwork about my insurance, and then met with a surgical nurse to go over my medical history. I had some blood drawn for type and screen purposes and met with the anesthesiologist that will be taking such wonderful care of me during my surgery. I lovingly refer to him as The Candy Man. It turns out he is the same anesthesiologist that I had when I had my hysterectomy earlier this year. He did a fantastic job then - I had no nausea after that surgery at all. So I am glad to have him taking such good care of me this time as well.

I also got a call from Dr. Enoch's office today. There was a cancellation on the day of my surgery, so my surgery time has been moved up from 5:00pm to 1:45pm. That is good news for me since I will not be allowed to eat much of anything for a couple of days before (on a clear liquid diet) and won't even be able to drink anything on that day.

I also had a group of friends from work take me out for one last "work lunch" today. That was very nice. I feel like I need to have a few "last" things that I won't be able to have for a while. My co-worker, Lori, made these fantastic buckeyes and brought them in to work. Peanut butter and chocolate are God's little gift to me I think. I treasured the two I got in a little package from her. They were so good. But I'm also trying not to over-indulge too much - if I gain weight Dr. Enoch's could pull the plug and cancel my surgery. He has been known to do so. I was encouraged when I got on the scale at the pre-op appt. today that I had actually lost 3 pounds since my last appt. with Dr. Enochs a couple of weeks ago.

A lot of people have been asking me if I'm excited about my surgery on Monday. YES I AM! I am very excited. But today I had my first twinges of nervous-ness. That's not like me. Surgery doesn't make me nervous - I've had a lot of them over the years. But the reality of the changes I am about to endure are starting to hit me. Don't get me wrong - I'm on board - I still want this and I'm still very excited, but I'm nervous. What if I'm not good at this? What if it's hard? What if my tastes change? What if I can't find protein drinks that I like? What if I don't loose weight? What if I'm a failure? What if the recovery is more than I am anticipating?

But I am so ready for a new me. I am ready for some big changes in my life. I can do this. As my wonderful husband has said "You're Pam! Go big or stay home!" So let's do this!