BUNGEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Living in Raleigh, NC the North Carolina State Fair is a HUGE deal.  I never realized what a big deal a state fair could be until you lived in the city that hosts it every year.  But it is always lots of fun.  Tons of midway rides, tons of ridiculous fair food, and fair freaks as far as the eye can see!  :)

We went to the fair today.  The kids loved it.  One of the things they really wanted to do was go on this bungee jumping thing.  There are these little trampolines and they jump in a harness that is attached to these huge bungees.  We waited in line for a while and when we got to the front of the line I was reading the rules, etc... and there in front of me was the weight limit.  I had to blink a couple of times in order to make sure I was reading it right.  I was UNDER the weight limit!!!!!!!

Well, in that case - I gotta ride this sucker!

Getting ready!

I'm doing it!  I'm doing it!

WHOA!!

It was utterly exhausting!  And, of course, right before she strapped me in all I could think was "I really should have gone pee before I did this ..."  I tried awful hard to flip, but I just couldn't bring myself to throw myself back quite far enough.  It was a bit un-nerving to be getting that high up, but it was exhilarating at the same time.  When I was done I could hardly walk. and I was breathing so hard.  But I did it!  It was so fun!

That Never Gets Old

I love WOW moments since surgery.  But I've been pretty steady with my weight for a while now, so they don't come as often as they used to.  I used to have them several times a week when the weight was just melting away.  And I'm OK with not having as many of them - this is the new life I am settling into.  And to be honest - many times I didn't know how to handle them and they made me uncomfortable. 

But today I had a WOW moment in a very unexpected place and I have to tell you - that never gets old.  :)  I went to a dear friends house for her sons birthday party.  I knew everyone there, but one lady I hadn't seen in a while.  Apparently, when I walked in - she didn't recognize me.  When my friend told her who I was she exclaimed "NO WAY!"  She didn't recognize me at all.  And a little while later she came over to me and was like "I don't know what it is - whether it's the blonde hair or what - but you just look fantastic!"  HEHEHEHEHE.  THANKS!  I kinda needed that shot in the arm.  Later she was asking me when I went blonde and she said "I bet your husband loves that!  It must be like being with a different woman!"  My husband's reaction ...  Yeah ... it kinda is!  Truly - that never gets old.  :)

My scale is in shock!

I think my scale is in shock!  It registered the lowest weight EVER when I got on it this morning!  I had gained 10 pounds after surgery from the IV fluids and such - it was quite disheartening.  So I have lost that 10 pounds and an additional 7 pounds since that - just over a week past surgery.  I'm hoping that it's not a fluke - I guess the coming days will tell.  I have just 8 pounds to go until I hit the weight that my bariatric surgeon had set for me.  If I can hit that and stay there for a while I will be draggin' my butt straight to the plastic surgeons!  This extra skin has proven to be a major issue.  The small incision that Dr. Jalkut made was where my c-sections and hysterectomy were - all the extra skin has made healing a bit hard.  I won't get into the graphic details - but I'm hoping this actually helps my case for getting the abdominoplasty (read ... tummy tuck!) covered by insurance.  And it's great encouragement to continue my walking while I can't run!

Thanksgiving and WOW Moments

I know, I know, I know - I have been neglecting Pamelot yet again.  I apologize profusely.

I had a great Thanksgiving.  I was able to go visit my sister and have Thanksgiving with her as well as go to a surprise birthday party for my grandmother.   She is an amazing woman.  She is 90 years old and still lives alone in her own house.  It was great fun to see cousins I don't get to see very often.

So I've been thinking about some things that I am thankful for and I wanted to get them down.

I am thankful for:

• my family
• healthy children
• healthy parents
• my marriage
• my job
• my health
• my friends

The list could go on and on.  I am a very thankful girl.  And as I reached my 11 month surgiversary I am especially thankful for how different my life is this year than it was last year at this time.  I am down about 110 pounds from when I had surgery.  And amazingly enough - I still get some WOW moments on this journey.  Here are a few I have had recently:

• I have never, ever, in all my life, shared clothes with my sister.  She's always been much smaller than me - even as adults - we're just built completely different.  But when I got down to my sisters I tried on some of her clothes!!  And they fit!!!!  I even managed to fit in a size 10!!!!!!  You just have no idea how great that felt.
• I love hanging with my sister.  LOVE IT!  We went out on the town one night and something happened to me that HAS NEVER happened to me before.  I got hit on.  HA!  I have been with my husband since I was 15.  Those there waters have never been chartered before.  I didn't know what to do with myself.  Thanks to my brother-in-law for keeping the wolves at bay for a while.  :)
• I have been wanting to commemorate 100 pounds down and I did while with my sister - I got a new tat.  No - I can't show you where.  HAHAHAHAHAHA!  I'll just say it's not somewhere that would be affected by any future plastics - which I hope to get at some point.  Have I mentioned how much I hate all this extra skin?
• I also love seeing my cousin, Angie.  While together down in the Keys for my grandmother's party we went running together.  I don't know if she will ever know how much that little moment in time meant to me.
• While down in the Keys for my grandmother's party we all stayed in a fantastic vacation home - a ton of us.  In the past this would have filled me with dread - the thought of being in such close quarters with others while I was sleeping - because I snored.  I didn't just snore - I really really snored - wake the dead with the sound snored.  But I didn't have to worry about that.  I shared a big room with a lot of other people and no one heard a peep out of me. Normally I would have had to lug my CPAP machine with me, make sure I was sleeping next to a power outlet, get it all set up, and wear it at night to ensure that I didn't snore.  NO MORE!
• When I got home from our trip I had an appointment for a stress test.  Doesn't sound like much opportunity for excitement, but I passed with flying colors.  The most impressive thing was that my blood pressure was great.  My diastolic number stayed around 70 the entire time.  My doctor was impressed with how much better I am doing since this time last year.  It felt good.

So as I approach Christmas and my 1 year surgiversary I am anxious to revel in all the changes that 2009 has brought into my life.

Overweight

I know! I know! I know! I have been neglecting Pamelot again! I have many worthy excuses, I promise. Though, I'm sure you're not really interested in any of them. It's been a crazy few weeks getting things ready and set up for this year's Upward Cheerleading season. The work as Cheer Commissioner is keeping me a bit busy. I am also in a very busy phase of my project at work.

I am now 10 months out from surgery - hard to believe. I am in the phase where I am able to eat more and more foods - my body is adjusting nicely to my new insides - and I am feeling like I have adjusted to "my new normal". It's no longer this new novel thing to have had gastric bypass. I feel like I have finally adjusted and settled in to life with a smaller stomach and less intestines (romantic isn't it?). I don't have to think so hard about what I'm going to eat, or plan ahead so much. This is just my life and I have settled into it. And I like it.

The weight loss has slowed dramatically - as I knew it would. I would like to lose 20-30 more pounds. I feel that when I up my exercise (I have been slowly getting back to exercise since my ear surgery) I will be able to get a better handle on that and make some progress there. The scale still does move, which is encouraging.

I was having an interesting conversation with some co-workers about BMI yesterday. We were talking about what a "normal" BMI is - how most people are not "normal", and how even though I have lost over 100 pounds I would still be considered in the "obese" range. We were playing around with a BMI calculator and seeing what different weight and heights gave us. So I plugged in my latest weight and discovered .... I am finally overweight! I am no longer obese!

18.5 or less	Underweight
18.5 to 24.99	Normal Weight
25 to 29.99	Overweight
30 to 34.99	Obesity (Class 1)
35 to 39.99	Obesity (Class 2)
40 or greater	Morbid Obesity

Some calculators also put a category of BMI's above 45 as "Super Morbidly Obese". At my heaviest just before surgery my BMI was 47.6, and so I fell into that awful category. As if "obese" isn't bad enough - you add morbidly to it - then super morbidly. UGH! I always hated that! But it was telling me what I didn't want to hear.

Dictionary.com defines the word morbid as:

1.	suggesting an unhealthy mental state or attitude; unwholesomely gloomy, sensitive, extreme, etc.: a morbid interest in death.

2.	affected by, caused by, causing, or characteristic of disease.

3.	pertaining to diseased parts: morbid anatomy.

4.	gruesome; grisly.

Unhealthy mental state or attitude - check. I had a bad attitude (some would argue I still do!)
Characteristic of disease - check. High Blood Pressure, Sleep Apnea, sneaking up on Type II Diabetes, hard to breathe, hard to exercise, hard to do just about anything.
Pertaining to diseased parts - check. Not much to explain there - felt like my whole body was diseased.
Gruesome; grisly - check. That is definitely how I felt about myself.

But I spent many years denying and simply avoiding this about myself. If I can actually loose these last pounds I will find myself in a "normal" BMI range. That actually blows my mind a bit.

Having fun with my fatty clothes

So I'm not sure how we started playing around like this, but the kids and I were having a ton of fun with my fatty fat fat clothes tonight. The pictures are not the best quality because my kids were taking the pictures, but I think you will enjoy them just the same.

The first one is my daughter, Marissa and I in my jean jacket - buttoned up and everything.


Now with Megan.

That was plenty fun and then Caleb and I decided to take it a step further ... and get in my pants together!

The girls were not to be outdone and wanted their turn ...

Megan really enjoyed this.

But the piece de' resistance is this picture of all 3 kids in my pants and jacket together. I don't know whether to laugh or cry! But be assured I laughed my skinny little butt off! HEHEHEHEHE!

Whodathunkit?

100 Pounds Down!

I finally hit the monumentous goal of losing 100 pounds! I belong to the century club! It's just a little surreal to me.

I was saving a pair of pants that I was barely squeezing into before surgery so that I could see the difference. I was waiting until this very milestone to see what they would look like.



I can fit into one leg of these pants! How crazy is that?




You've heard it here people - I am never going back.

1st grade chairs

On Monday mornings I go into my daughters' classroom and count the lunch money. When my son was in first grade 3 years ago I did this as well. The only chairs in the 1st grade room are for 1st graders. The teacher is a little stick of a thing and apparently doesn't need a regular chair. When my son was in first grade - I would stand by a cabinet and count the money. I always felt like I would either fall on my ass getting into the chair, or have my ass hanging off the chair, or if I managed to get in the chair without falling I would have to worry about it collapsing beneath me. Today I went in and I sat in the little 1st grade chair and I fit! I didn't fall - I sat in it without any fat ass hanging off the side. I even crossed my legs underneath the little 1st grade table! I love the unexpected WOW moments in life!

How cool is this?

There is a website that I frequent quite often and that I have had a link to on my site for quite some time. If you go down this blog, on the right hand side you will see a small TV where you can watch the latest episode on the WLS (Weight Loss Surgery) Channel. It's got tons of great information, the latest news on the various surgeries, etc...

There is a segment in these episodes by Yvonne McCarthy (a well known advocate in the WLS environment) called WLS Journeys. She always likes to feature a website for people to check out and visit. In this week's episode - she is featuring mine!!!!!! How cool is that?

You can either watch the episode through the little TV lower on my page, or by following this link:

http://www.weightlosssurgerychannel.com/breaking-wls-news/weight-loss-surgery-news-august-21-2009.html/#more-5457

The segment is about half way through the episode!

Let me know what you think!

Unexpected WOW

I had a very odd thing happen to me last night. Out of the blue I had incredibly intense and awful chest pain. I could hardly breathe. It was very scary. I've had bad pain before for various reasons (ovarian cysts rupturing, gallbladder attacks, etc...) and have never been scared. Last night I was SCARED.

The pain went away eventually. I went to the doctor this morning and he ran a gaggle of tests. We don't believe it was my heart - thank goodness. Instead, he thinks it was an esophageal spasm. He said that they could be very painful and feel much like a heart attack.

But this is not the point of my post. A couple of things happened when I was at the doctors office that were WOW moments for me. Doctor's appointments in the past have always been very stressful for me for various reasons.

First was weighing myself. I so dread that - probably always will. It wasn't the weight I wanted to see - but the girl who weighed me was like "WOW! You've lost a lot of weight!" HEHEHEHE!

Then we move on to my blood pressure. My blood pressure used to be astronomically high - even on 3 different medications. So just the thought of having them check it usually sent my blood pressure even higher. Starting with having to take the regular cuff off and put on the "big girl" cuff so that it would fit around my arm. In fact, I was so used to having to do make that switch that I automatically just said "You're going to need the bigger cuff." She just laughed at me. "I don't think so darlin'." And she didn't! And my blood pressure was 118/75! WOO HOO!

After some more various tests and xrays I had to go have some blood drawn. I had just convinced myself that my veins were "deep". Yeah - right. So again, I told the phlebotomist "I have good thick veins, but they are deep and people usually have a tough time finding them." She said "I don't know what you're talking about - it's right here at the top." She didn't have to dig and dig to get the vein - it was right there! Easy-speezy lemon cheesey!

I wasn't expecting to find wow moments at the doctor's office after being so stressed out over the strange chest pain. The unexpected wow's are always the best! :)

Keep them coming

Keep those WOW Moments coming!

I had an event at church on Friday night for their new Women's Ministry. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to go until the last minute, so I didn't RSVP. When I got there I went up to the registration table. The woman manning the table is my husband's old boss's wife. I know that is confusing. She probably hasn't seen me in a few months. So I explained to her that I didn't RSVP and asked if that would be a problem. She said "Oh, no - no problem - we just want to get some of your information. What's your name?" Um, it's Pam. She just stood there with her mouth wide open. She goes "Did you do something different with your hair?" HA! That is the question I get a lot these days. Yes, I did do something different with my hair. It used to be long and dark red, now it is short and blonde. But I guess losing almost 100 pounds doesn't hurt either. She said "Well, I was thinking you had lost a lot of weight and I didn't know how to ask you!" She apologized several times throughout the night.

I just can't believe I look THAT different. Do I just not see it?

Not just a WOW Moment - WHOA!

I have been slacking on my blog this past week. I have been without children for the past 12 days and really just taking advantage of the free time I have had.

But this past weekend I had a major WOW moment. So major I am calling it my WHOA moment. :)

I had a girls night out planned with some friends I don't get to spend as much time with as I would like. I had jeans on that have been taken in several times, but are just too big, so before arriving at my friends house I decided to stop by TJ Maxx and see if I couldn't find any jeans that fit. I knew I was fitting into a size 14 - so I grabbed a bunch of those and headed to the fitting rooms. The 14's fit perfect - that in itself was fun! But then I noticed that ALL of them had room in them. Seriously? 14's with room? No way. You don't think a 12 would fit, do you? Do I dare even try? I can't even remember being a 12. Maybe for a nano-second in my sophmore year in high school? Maybe?

But I ran out and grabbed a couple of 12's and brought them back to try them on. I did it. I put them on! I buttoned and zipped them without any trouble! SIZE 12!!!! NO FREAKIN' WAY! Here is my pic in the dressing room!



I jumped in the car and ran to my friends house. I burst in her door gave her a hug and was like "It's so great to see you - but I have to change!" I ran in her bathroom and put on my jeans and then I couldn't shut up about it the rest of the night. Randomly I would burst out going "I am wearing a size 12!!!" I wouldn't take the tags off my pants. At one point we ran an errand and my friend goes "Are you going to go out with that sticker on your pants?" Why yes, yes I am! I don't care who sees it! I am wearing a size 12!!!! Here is a picture of me with the sticker on my forehead - SIZE 12 PEOPLE!

And here is a picture of me hanging with these friends last year. A reminder of how far I have come. Do you even recognize her? I know she is smiling, but I don't think she was happy.

Another WHOA moment this weekend ... I had a dear friend who sent me a box full of clothes earlier this summer. Some size 14 and a couple size 12 and Medium shorts. At the time the 14's fit but were a little tight. Now they all fit. Upon realizing that I fit in the size 12 jeans I decided to check on a particular pair of shorts that she had given me that were really really too small when she sent them. They were a size MEDIUM. I put them on last night and went for a walk! Medium! MEDIUM! MEDIUM! Seriously? I don't remember that size ever either. Medium. Not 3XL, not 2XL, not XL, not even Large! MEDIUM!

Times they are a changin'! WHOA!

Tucked In

I did something today that I haven't done in a very long time - at least the past decade.

I tucked my shirt in.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHE!

Here's some pics:

Water Park

I am on vacation this week. It’s the first vacation I’ve had in a while – particularly since WLS. Today we went to a water park. Normally, this would send me into a panic. In a bathing suit? In public? All day? Seriously people? What kind of torture do you expect me to undergo on my vacation anyway? Isn’t this supposed to be relaxing? I would have done it to appease my children, but I would have been miserable. Constantly thinking about what I looked like – what are people thinking of me? I would have been out of breath having to climb the stairs to all the different rides with the kids. I would have been frustrated by having difficulty getting in and out of tubes all day that were never made for a person of my “girth”.

But instead, I had a great day – so much fun. Playing with my children – being able to keep up with them – run up the stairs with them – help them on rides that they may have been too scared to go on by themselves. I still find myself worrying about what I look like and what others are thinking of me. I did not even wear a full bathing suit to the water park. I wore shorts and the top of a tankini I have.

The other thing that I was still struggling with is how I still have such a strong association with food when I am at a place like this. And yet, I can’t have the food that I still associate with it. I want it – I want it so bad. Frozen lemonade, dippin dots, soft pretzels. I swear if I heard one more ice cold soda open in front of me I was going to scream. But I survived. I had a little too much at lunch and subsequently paid for that in the bathroom shortly thereafter, but other than that I had a great day. My whole family is exhausted – it’s not even 10pm here and we are all in bed already. Thoroughly water logged and crispy fried from a day in the extreme heat of Missouri. It has been a great day.

P.S. Ladies, I plead with you – I am begging you! Find a friend – a good friend – someone who you trust to look at you and tell you if what you are about to wear out in public really looks as good as you seem to think it does. Because some of you ladies are out there wearing bathing suits you have absolutely NO BUSINESS wearing in public. Just because it is in style does not mean that style looks good on you. I am convinced that if some of you just had a decent friend to lovingly tell you that you look ridiculous – the world would be a better place.

A picture says a thousand words

I know in my head that there is a change - I know because I am a different size and the scale says so, but I find myself still looking through plus size clothing when I shop - unable to make the jump to the normal clothes even though I KNOW they fit me. It's like this forbidden land that I can't seem to bring myself to. So I tend to rely on pics to SHOW me the difference. Here is my latest compare:

A friend of mine gave me the little t-shirt - one of those tight fitting ones - when I had my surgery and asked me to take a pic of myself in it when it fit and send it to her (we don't live near each other). After finally stepping into Onederland today I had the guts to try the shirt on. Can you see that humungous smile on my face????

Things you don't even realize you think about

So this morning I had a big meeting at work. A big wig from corporate was in town to give a talk to the troops. I got there a little late and most seats were taken when I got there. I found one next to my boss - a seat next to him was open - someone was sitting in the seat one away from him. All I could think was "I don't want to sit there - these seats are small and there's not enough room. I won't be able to fit in that chair. No one wants to sit that close to me." But I needed to sit and stop bringing attention to myself. So I scooted in and sat down. And to my surprise - it wasn't so tight! I could sit there just fine and didn't feel like I was encroaching on my boss's personal space. And I wasn't super uncomfortable. I could even cross my legs and take up even less space! And as I was sitting there wondering to myself "Does anyone else even think these things in a situation like this?" These are the kinds of things that I have been obsessing over in my mind for years! Every social situation I'm jockeying for position to make sure I'm not put in a position that would make me look stupid. Now I'm feeling like I'm hitting a new phase of Freedom in this journey.

Shot In The Arm

So while I have been stalled and frustrated with my weight loss I have gotten a real shot in the arm this past weekend. It started at the grocery store on Saturday morning. I was doing my usual shopping, going down the aisle and I see this woman that I go to church with. We also see each other often at baseball and we have worked Vacation Bible School together. So as she was passing me in the aisle - going in the opposite direction I said "Hey, Pam!" She just kinda looked at me like I had 3 heads. OK - weird. Then we passed each other in the next aisle and she just kinda ignored me. I was like "Seriously?". Then on the next aisle when she saw me she finally goes "OK - I totally didn't know who you were! And you said Hey - and I was like 'Why is she talking to me?' I didn't recognize you at all!" I mean - I know I cut my hair and colored it - but that is kinda standard for me - I change my hair color a lot. Then at the surprise party that my mom and my husband threw for me on Saturday night I had another incident. A friend of mine came a little late, after I had already arrived. She got there and went up to my mom and asked if I was there yet. Mom was like "Uh - yeah - right there." She was like "NO! That's not her!" Keep in mind - I just saw her a couple of weeks ago and she has seen my new 'do on Facebook. I thought it was a fluke - until today. I went with my son to "Beach Day" at school. I don't normally get to do school activities with him because I am working, but today they had a weather make up day and the teachers decided to do Beach Day to give the parents an opportunity to come and participate. Several parents said they didn't recognize me. But the one that took the cake was my son's teacher. I see her pretty often because we also go to church together. She was talking to me and kind of looking at me funny and I took my sunglasses off and her eyes got huge and she went "PAM! I didn't even know I was talking to you! I thought you were a parent of a child in a different class!" That's craziness! Just the shot in the arm I have needed while my weight loss has been stalled.

WOW Moment

OK - I had a WOW Moment this morning.

I woke my husband out of a dead sleep (poor thing has a cold and was in a Nyquil stupor) and this is how that went:

"Honey - wake up!"

"Huh? What?"

"Look at me!"

"OK. What?"

"Look at me!"

"I am looking at you! WHAT?"

"I have a regular bath towel wrapped all the way around me!"

He gave me his obligatory smile and turned over and went back to sleep. So why wasn't he as excited about all of this as I was? Is it because I woke him up, or because he would have preferred it if there was something left to see?

It's been a while.

I know - it's been a while since I have updated my blog. My apologies. The past few weeks have been incredibly busy and hectic for me on just about every front in my life.

It's birthday season in the DeVries house right now. It starts on April 13 with my sons birthday. Then 2 weeks later it's my girls birthday, 2 weeks later is my husband's birthday, 2 weeks later my birthday, 2 weeks later our anniversary, and in there we have Easter, Mother's Day, and Father's Day, and this year - Kindergarten graduation.

On top of that, my parents sold their house and have moved into their RV (a.k.a. hotel on wheels) which is now parked in my yard. A week before closing on their house my mom fell down her stairs while carrying some boxes and broke her leg! So that whole transition has been a little difficult. Her sister (my Aunt Linda) came in and saved the day (or the week I should say) and that was incredibly wonderful. Mom is now camped out in the RV (no pun intended) and is getting around a little bit better than she originally was.

I have also been having to take my husband to UNC hospitals 3 times a week for some procedures for the past 3 weeks. UNC is about an hour away and when we go we are there until at least noon. He is wiped out for the day - gets a day to recover and then we are back at it. I don't mean to be vague about this issue - but I just can't share more than that at this time. :)

At work I have been assigned to a new project and I am swamped there as I get up to speed on what we are trying to accomplish. I have also started out the project by raising some rather major objections to the current approach and tool. This has not endeared me to my systems counterparts. That is OK with me. I'm not paid to be friends with everyone at work - I'm paid to analyze business requirements and make sure that the solution that is delivered meets those requirements.

Whew! This week I hit 4 months post-op! What a wild ride! I am sneaking up on 75 pounds down since surgery! I have had some major WOW moments in the past week related to my weight loss. The first is that I have begun shopping in "regular" sizes! No more plus sized clothing for me! Most of the clothes that I have right now are way too big for me. I have taken to wearing belts a lot. Last week when taking my kids bowling I forgot to wear a belt and my pants literally almost fell off! My kids were victims of a major crack attack. Poor things. :)

Another WOW moment was that I was picking up my girls from a birthday party. There was a mom there that I had not seen for quite some time, but we knew each other. I walked up to the group of moms and joined in the conversation. I sat there talking with them for almost 10 minutes when this other mom Arlene looked at me with her eyes wide open and said "PAM?!?!?! I knew I knew you, but I couldn't figure out who you were! I totally didn't recognize you! You look like a totally different person!" I am so not sure how to handle these types of moments. I am flattered, but I don't know that I'm comfortable being such a focus of attention.

And this is the last WOW moment - I promise. :) I had lunch yesterday with some colleagues that used to work at the company I work for. Unfortunately, they were laid off late in 2008. One of them I had not seen since well before my surgery. He showed up late to lunch and ran into our booth to sit down and was going around the table saying Hi to everyone. He looked at me and he said "If you weren't wearing your glasses - I'm not sure I would know who you are! You look totally different! You look fantastic!" Again - I am unsure how to handle that kind of attention.

So I apologize again for not updating my blog more the past few weeks. I promise to be better!

A Belt!

Today I am wearing a belt! I know - that doesn't sound like much to you guys - but I don't think I have even OWNED a belt since jr. high - maybe high school? The clothes that I was able to scratch together from my mom no longer fit me. They are all too big already. But I don't have the money to be buying clothes that won't fit me very long. So I'm trying to make do with what I have.


Here are some pics I took. They aren't the best - but they show the belt and just how big these pants are!

Such an interesting problem for me to have. I've always dealt with clothes that don't fit - but always because they were too small! I can remember my freshman year in high school. I had tried out for the cheerleading squad. I didn't make it as a regular, but as a substitute. I would take it. That meant that if anyone was sick or couldn't cheer for some reason - I would cheer in their place. That meant that I had to know what to do in everyone's position so that I could fill in at a moments notice. That also meant that I had to fit into anyone's uniform at any moment. There weren't enough uniforms for me to have my own - and no money to buy my own. So if someone was out - I had to fit into their uniform. Can I just tell you - it scared the bejeezus out of me? There were some teeny tiny girls on that squad! Uniforms in a size 0! Uniforms in a size 2! I mean - I would be lucky if I was in a size 10! You have to be kidding me! So my first opportunity to cheer came up. And don't you know it was one of those skinny beyotch's! :) (If any of you are reading this - you know I am joking!) There was no way I was squeezing into a 2. We ended up switching things around and someone smaller than me squeezed into the 2 and I squeezed into a 7 I think. Still needed a safety pin, etc..., but I was simply horrified by the whole experience. Eventually that year someone had to drop off the squad and I was made a permanent cheerleader. I loved cheerleading - but I was acutely aware that I was always the heaviest on the team. I was always the base on the bottom of the pyramid or the stand. "Go ahead - climb on up! No big deal." And it wasn't. The rest of them were so petite and tiny. You will never hear anyone use those words to describe me! And I have come to accept that. I don't say that as in "Whoa is me - I am such a pig." It's part of who I am and I am OK with that. I have always been the big girl with the big hair and the big personality. Go big or stay home is my motto. Even in weight loss. I either have to go whole hog and have this surgery and loose it all - or why bother? If I can only do something half-assed I don't want to do it. It's how I live, it's how I love, it's how I am.