Running Again

So I am finally running again.  It's slow going, but I'm doing it.  I'm up to running a 5K right now.  I guess it's more of a jog, but I'm doing it.

In an effort to get myself back in the right frame of mind I have signed up for the Ridgewood Turkey Trot for Thanksgiving morning.  It's an 8K (5 miles) race that I hear is pretty hilly.  This should be interesting.

I'm still here

Yes, I know – bad bad bad blogger.


I have just been feeling like crud lately. Getting over this infection has been difficult. I ended up with a bad reaction to the Septra they put me on and came down with a headache to end all headaches. I HATE going to the hospital for a headache. I seriously may as well just shove an ice pick through my eye. UGH! So I avoided that at all costs – all costs being having the headache for 3 days before finally being given some Percocet and Phenergan to help relieve it. And boy howdy – did it! But the headache has been threatening to come back the past couple of days. I don’t think I have kicked the infection either. I can’t put my finger on why – I just don’t think I have. One of these days I’ll learn to listen to my body. I go to the doctor’s office tomorrow to pee in the cup and get tested yet again. So we’ll see what happens then.

In the meantime – 6 weeks post op is quickly approaching. You know what that means – I can run again. Of course, I feel like crud – so is it really wise to start running yet? Well, if I want to make it to the half marathon in Myrtle Beach in October ………

We’ll see I guess. I may wait just a couple of days to see what happens with the tests at the doctors office and to make sure this headache doesn’t return with a vengeance. But I am really anxious to get back to running.

As a way to keep my mind in the game (if I couldn’t keep my body in it) I have been reading a book called “Born to Run” by Christopher McDougal. For a book I have loved so much – it has taken me forever to read it. But I have loved this book. And it has just spurned me to run again. I NEED to get out there and run again. It’s part story of an amazing race in the Copper Canyons of Mexico, but it’s also part documentary on the theory that mankind was made – biomechanically designed – to run. I don’t agree with many of the evolutionary theories that are touted in this book, but it is an interesting thesis on how the human body is made for running. Even more interesting – how the birth of the running shoe has been the introduction of the explosion of sports injuries. Seriously – almost makes me want to try running barefoot – or at the very least – to invest in some Vibram FiveFinger shoes.  I think every runner or wannabe runner should read this book. It has instilled in me the belief that running is even more about finding the enjoyment in it and running for the enjoyment – the unspoken comraderie between runners of all abilities – to “just do it” and to do it for the love of it. I never believed I would find a love in running – but it’s out there. You can have it to. You just have to let go long enough to find it.

Bad Blogger

I know - I am a very bad blogger.  I haven't blogged in 2 weeks!  Crazy!  I have been at home - trying to be a good girl and rest and recover.  My major incision is still iffy at times, but the pain has gotten better.  I am reminded if I try to do too much that I am recovering from having a major organ removed from my body. 

The other thing that I have been struggling with lately is feeling very dizzy and shaky.  The problem is that this could be attributed to many things.  It could be medication I am taking - it could be that I haven't eaten enough - or that I have eaten the wrong things.  I am getting postural hypotension a lot the past week or so.  That is when you stand up from sitting or laying down and get very dizzy - it's a result of a drop in blood pressure.  Like I said - could be lots of things.  Your kidneys (or kidney in my case) play a big part in your blood pressure.  But tri-cyclic anti-depressants can also cause this (I take 2 different ones right now).  And with my gastric bypass - the dizziness and shakes could be caused by either not eating enough or eating the wrong things (too many carbs, etc...).  All I know is I have spent an awful lot of time in bed feeling like crud the past few days.

I have my 4 week check up with the surgeon tomorrow.  I will talk about it with him.  Assuming that all else is well he will probably sign off on me returning to work.  I was feeling like it was time, but the past few days have made me wonder what the heck is going on with me.  I don't like wondering what is going on with my body.  I'm really rather tired of it.

But I am just waiting for 6 weeks post op (2 more weeks to go!) until I can run again.  Of course, it's been hotter than the south side of the sun here, so when I can start running again I will have to be very careful as to when and how far and how long I run.

Something that I did just today is I invested in a RoadID.  What is a Road ID you ask?  Well, it's kind of like a medical alert bracelet - but mainly for when I am running. 

I say that because it's not really a fashion forward accessory that I might wear to work or for an evening out.  For that I will have to find something to work better.  :)  But when I run I often times run in places where people don't know me and most often by myself.  If I were to get hurt, or pass out or something stupid like that - how would I let people know who to contact or what is important to know about me?  It appears more and more these days that I have some important medical information that people should know about me.  If I'm unconscious - how would they know?  The reason I chose Road ID is because it is interactive.  It actually gives them a website that they can go to and enter my information and it will give them everything they need to know - such as my emergency contacts, doctor information, my allergies (I have 2 now), and other important medical information - such as the fact that I have had gastric bypass and I only have 1 kidney.  I was seriously running out of room to put all this information!  :)  This allows me to put it all on a website and first responders would be able to see everything by entering the information on my bracelet.  At least now when I know I will not have anyone with me - there will be a way for people to know what is important to know about me.

I can't explain it

So many people have told me they just can't understand my need to get back to running.  I hear ya - I really do - it's like I'm talking in third person - I can't believe that I'm saying that.  But I just do.

A friend of mine recommended that I get the book "Born To Run" by Christopher McDougall to read while I was recuperating as a way to keep me inspired during my convalescence.  Today I read  a section that summed it all up for me!  I just had to share:

There's something so universal about that sensation, the way running unites our two most primal impulses: fear and pleasure.  We run when we're scared, we run when we're ecstatic, we run away from our problems and run around for a good time.

And when things look worst, we run the most. Three times America has seen distance-running skyrocket, and it's always in the midst of a national crisis. The first boom came during the Great Depression, when more than two hundred runners set the trend by racing forty miles a day across the country in the Great American Footrace.  Running then went dormant, only to catch fire again in the early 70's , when we were struggling to recover from Vietnam, the Cold War, race riots, a criminal president, and the murders of 3 beloved leaders.  And the third distance boom? One year after the September 11 attacks, trail-running suddenly became the fastest growing outdoor sport in the country.  Maybe it was a coincidence. Or maybe there's a trigger in the human psyche, a coded response that activates our first and greatest survival skill when we sense the raptors approaching. In terms of stress relief and sensual pleasure, running is what you have in your life before you have sex. The equipment and desire come factory installed; all you have to do is let 'er rip and hang on for the ride.

I just had to share this. He has totally encapsulated the running experience for me.  Fear and Pleasure.

Plan of Attack!

I am now more determined than ever to do the half marathon in Myrtle Beach in October.  The doctor has said that I am not allowed to run for 6 weeks post surgery, but that I can walk as much as I can tolerate.  So I am determined to walk every day - adding a little bit more distance to what I'm doing every day.  Yesterday I was able to get in just under a mile.  For my birthday this year I got new running shoes and I finally pulled them out yesterday and tried them out.  It is still a bit exhausting for me.  Doc had cautioned me that I would start to feel better physically pretty quickly because of the laparoscopic surgery, but that inside there was still quite a bit of adjusting happening as a result of my body getting used to having just one kidney.  So I get tired really easily right now.  But as I said - I'm determined to still do the half marathon in October.  So once I get to the point of being able to run in late July I will have to get very serious about my training plan in order to have my mileage up for that race.

Runner's High

I had always heard about a Runner's High - but I never believed it.  Had you even told me I would be running when I had my gastric bypass surgery I would have said "Why?  Is someone chasing me?  With a gun?  Cause I don't run."  But I have discovered a lot about running in the past year.  One being that - it is great for my mood.  I recently found this article and had to pass it along:  http://rwdaily.runnersworld.com/2010/05/if-running-were-a-drug-itd-be-illegal.html

The Spring Saunter Race Report

I have another race report.  Last weekend I ran The Spring Saunter 5K to support Habitat for Humanity.  I had a great race!  I couldn't believe how good I did!  It's true - that running longer distances makes your shorter distances faster.  And as always Jen kept me going.  She kept me going faster and pushed me to a time I didn't even think I was capable of.  I came in just under 34 minutes.  I know that is slow for most, but considering that my first race just 10 months ago was 45 minutes - I was thrilled.  I went from a 15 minute pace to a 10:49 pace.  I have another 5K that I have signed up for this coming weekend.  Jen won't be running this one with me - so I'm anxious to see if I can do as good without her.  :)  I highly doubt it.

Goal Met

I did my 10K this past weekend.  My running partner, Jen, did it with me.  She is such a huge help to me when I am running a race - she keeps me going - encouraging me along the way - like my own personal cheerleader.  I love running races with her.  I was disappointed because I had to stop at the half way point to visit the ladies room (how's that for being tactful about nature's call during a race).  My time would have been much better than I had expected had I not had to take that slight detour.  I was keeping a great pace (for me) before I had to take that break.  But now I have that under my belt.  :)  Here is a pic of me and Jen after the race.

My next race is this coming weekend - I am doing a 5K - the Spring Saunter with a bunch of people from work.  I'm looking forward to it.

Running Update

OK - so I got a little side tracked on my running plans when I had emergency surgery earlier in February for an internal hernia.  But I am back to a more regular schedule of running and I am up to 6 miles on my long runs on the weekend. 

So I went ahead and signed up for th 10K in April that I had originally planned on running.  It is the Cary Road Race and it will be held on Saturday, April 10.

I also signed up for the Spring Saunter in Durham on April 18.  This race has a 10K and a 5K.  Since I will have just done a 10K the week before, and a lot of friends are running the 5K - I will be doing just the 5K on that day.

Did I just say "just a 5K"?  Seriously? That is like an out of body experience.

I also signed up to run at the Mission Outreach Benefit 5K on May 1.  This race is being held at my kids school and they are really excited to see me run that race.  They also have a fun run and the kids are "training" with me to run in that.  It's been fun to work on that with them.

I have one more race that I would like to sign up for and I keep chickening out.  The Inside Out Classic Half Marathon on May 16.  If I up my long runs every weekend by one mile starting next week (while keeping my runs during the week up to 45 minutes to an hour) I think I could be ready for it.  It would be nice to get one in before I do the Myrtle Beach mini-marathon in October.  There are very few races in this area during the summer because it's so hot - so I would take the summer off from racing and just concentrate on getting my running in and my endurance up.

So that is my running update.  I know you're all so excited.

Disappointed

I have put off making this blog post.  I have tried my darndest to figure out a way around it.  But because of my recent surgery I am unable to run in the 2010 Torch Run coming up this Saturday - and more disappointing than that - I am unable to partake in the Polar Plunge that I have been raising money for.  Not that I would particularly enjoy jumping into Lake Raleigh, but I was amazed at how much money I was able to raise for such a worthy cause as the Special Olympics.  I had raised $525 so far.  The money that has been donated will still go towards Special Olympics and I am still committed to raising money for this cause and will continue to campaign to do so, but I am unable to run yet (have to give my insides time to heal before I go jostling them all around), and the doc has put a kabosh on me jumping into a nasty lake with incisions that are still healing, risking them getting infected.  I am still considering walking the 5K instead of running it, but I know that if I get there I will be so tempted to run it, so I may have to stay away for my own good.  As odd as it sounds I was really looking forward to this weekend and was excited about it.  I am so disappointed to not be able to participate as I had planned.

You know you're a runner when ...

I just found myself laughing out loud at this article:  http://www.runnersworld.com/article/0,7120,s6-238-267--13385-1-1X2-3,00.html.  My husband asked me what was so funny and as I read some of it to him I realized ... I am a running nerd.  Laughing out loud at expanding your sense of fun to include getting up at 5:30 to get a long run in is what I think pushed me over the edge.  But this list of running rules of thumb were helpful:

1. If you see a porta potty with no line, use it. Even if you don't need to.
2. If you have to ask yourself, Does this driver see me? The answer is no.
3. If you have to ask yourself, Are these shorts too short? The answer is yes.
4. 1 glazed doughnut = 2 miles
5. You rarely regret the runs you do; you almost always regret the runs you skip.
6. Not everyone who looks fast really is, and not everyone who looks slow really is.
7. Nobody has ever watched Chariots of Fire from beginning to end. Not even the people who made it.
8. You can never have too many safety pins on your gym bag.
9. Running any given route in the rain makes you feel 50 percent more hard-core than covering the same route on a sunny day.
10. If you care even a little about being called a jogger versus a runner, you're a runner.

Running is spiritual

I was just reading an article on Active.com about Apolo Ohno and how running is a part of his training routine and really helps him stay lean, etc...  But the last few sentences of the article are what caught my eye...

I do my best thinking when I'm running. I don't know why that is — everything seems to flow so easily. It's almost a spiritual thing for me.

 I totally identify with that!  It's part of why I have been jonesing for a good run.  It was a nice and sunny day today a good day for a run, but also I just needed to clear my mind!  I'm still achy and such from my surgery earlier this week - so common sense is telling me to wait just a bit before I start running - darn that common sense.  I seriously was so close to just putting on my running shoes and bolting out the door before anybody could stop me.

Ramblings ....

So I keep thinking "I'm going to blog about that ..." and then it doesn't turn into much to talk about.  So excuse me if this blog is rambling a bit - just a bunch of things going on in my head.

So I'm now 13 months out from surgery.  I have been stuck playing with the same few pounds since September.  I had to stop running when I had the vertigo problems and the ear surgery.  It took me a while to get back into a good running routine with how cold it has been here.  I have a hard time running in the cold - my old asthma rears it's ugly head then.  I am now back into a good running and exercise routine in order to meet my running goals for 2010.  But I am still stuck at the same weight. Frustrating.

I had my 1 year follow up appointment with my doctor.  He was happy with my progress but would like to see me loose another 20 pounds.  I, personally, would like to loose another 30 pounds.  I have come so far - I find it hard to believe I can't loose this last 30 pounds.  So I have recommitted myself to tracking my calories and my exercise on http://www.livestrong.com/ (they took over The Daily Plate).  I am trying to stick to 1100-1200 net calories a day.  I am easily able to eat about 1500 or so calories a day.  That is really wreaking havoc with my brain.  This part won't make sense to some of you.  I know that is a normal amount of calories to be taking in - possibly even still pretty low.  But it scares me.  I'm afraid to take in too much more than that in a day.  The fact that I haven't lost weight in 3 or so months scares me.  I am not ready to be done and I am afraid of going in the other direction.  I have actually started dreaming about it - waking up and I'm up over 200 pounds and I'm so mad and afraid and disappointed.

And there are some days I think Kanga has become made of steel - I can eat a lot of things I couldn't before - I can take in more than I could before.  I don't like that.  I don't want to go back to "normal".  And then there are some days that she reminds me that she is still in charge and I can't get more than a couple of bites of anything or I dump on something that hasn't caused me to dump in the past.

I did get my hand slapped at my 1 year follow up with Dr. Enochs.  I am not good at the vitamin regimine.  And for no good reason - just not good at it.  So I really need to get on top of that pretty quickly here.  I am going to have some bloodwork run soon and that should give us an idea of what the impact of that truly is.

Some other things that have been rearing their ugly heads now that I am a year out:  I have been having some off and on pain my abdomen.  Sometimes it's breath-taking pain - sometimes it's just an ache.  I talked to Dr. Enochs about it and he has a couple of different concerns that can be common after gastric bypass.  One is scar tissue.  I have had quite a few abdominal surgeries - 2 c-sections, an open hysterectomy, an open gallbladder removal, and some laparascopic surgeries.  So I most likely have quite a bit of scar tissue - that could be catching or kind of strangulating my intestines.  Something else that is common is that you can get an internal hernia once all the fat that used to hold things in place is gone.  So what do we do about it?  The only way to tell if the pain I'm having is one of these two things is to have surgery - there's no test that will tell them definitively if one of these things is what is happening.  It's a fine line to when we decide to do something about it - right now it doesn't normally interfere with daily life, but it could happen over night and become something that needs to be taken care of immediately.  So the approach we are taking right now is "watchful waiting".  We shall see.

I have also started having some reactive hypoglycemia symptoms.  I haven't had that officially checked out, but it looks like that is what I am dealing with - drops in blood sugar that make me weak and shaky, etc...  From what I can track it appears to be reactive which means I should be able to control it with what I am eating and how often I eat.  I plan on talking to my doctor about it when I see him next week.

I see my doctor next week to get fitted for orthotics for my running shoes.  I seem to have developed bursitis in my left foot and I don't want anything to distract me from my goals for running this year.

Speaking of running goals - I have already raised $500 for my Polar Plunge after the 2010 Torch Run.  I can't believe I have raised that much money!  I am looking forward to that run and will be sure to post pictures of of the craziness that ensues.

So thanks for listening to me ramble on and on.  I just had a bunch of things on my mind and no clear way to get them all out, but getting them out on this blog really is cathartic.

2010 Race Plans

I am trying to make goals for my running for this year.  I have already stated that one of my goals for this year is to do a half marathon.  I am actually looking at coordhinating a small group of people to get together to do the Myrtle Beach Mini Marathon in October, but I want to have a good plan of what I will do before that.  So here is what I have come up with so far.

1. The Torch Run.  This 5K race is at NC State University on February 20 and is a run to benefit the local Special Olympics.  In an effort to raise money for this race I will be placing the challenge out to all who would like to sponsor me that if I can raise $100 in donations I will not only run the 5K, but I will also participate in the Polar Plunge that takes place after the race.  Yeah - I'm that insane.
2. Next I would like to do a 10K.  There is one on March 6 and one on April 10.  I may do both?  I will definitely do one or the other.  The one on March 6 is the Cary Distance Festival.  The one on April 10 is the 2010 Cary Road Race. It might be nice to see how my time improves at this distance.  I am already up to 6 miles on my long runs on the weekend - so I think the March race is definitely do-able.
3. The InsideOut Sports Classic Half Marathon is on May 16.  This would be a good one for me to get my feet wet and know what I need to work on over the summer before I do the Myrtle Beach Half Marathon.
4. And then to commemorate my first run last year, Jen and I will definitely be doing the Skirt Chaser if they offer it in Raleigh again (currently there are no dates for 2010 in Raleigh - but I'm pretty sure they will do it again - they had a fantastic turnout last year).  This course was actually pretty tough and the party afterwards I missed last year, but won't be missing this year.  :)

So that is my current plan.  Still so weird for me to be talking about doing such distance and endurance running.  I still can't believe that I love running so much.  I haven't been able to run as much as I want since my last surgery and during the cold of winter and it's been driving me crazy - I have actually dreamt about running - how crazy is that? 

Circumstances Beyond My Control

So no sooner do I say "barring circumstances beyond my control I will be running a half marathong in November" ... I get circumstances beyond my control!

I haven't blogged very consistently the past few weeks. I have been suffering from awful headaches - migraines that won't die - pain on the left side of my head that won't go away - dizziness that is becoming more consistent and increasingly frequent severe vertigo attacks. I had been to my Primary Care Physician, the ER, the neurologist, and my ENT. I thought that I was just stressed out from the PMP Exam prep and that if I could just get past the PMP Exam and stop thinking about the exam and get some rest I would come out just fine on the other side.
But after the exam the pain and the headaches were not leaving and I found myself increasingly dizzy. We tried the "usual" treatments that have always worked for my migraines in the past, but I started having a nagging feeling that something else was causing the pain on the left side of my head.

Left side of my head ....... yeah - so there is so much going on with me on that side of my head. I have had 5 surgeries on my left ear. Yes, 5. I have always had some hearing loss in my left ear. The summer before my senior year in high school I went on a mission trip with my best friend. We spent much of that time arguing. I was saying "What?" a lot and it was a bit frustrating for my friend. I remember at one point she looked at me and said "You're not listening to me. If you were listening to me you wouldn't be asking 'What?'" In her defense - who thinks a 17 year old has a hearing problem? When I got back from the mission trip I talked to my mom about how frustrating it was that I was finding that I couldn't understand what people were saying. She said "Well, remember you've always had trouble with your left ear - we'll make an appointment to get it checked out." So after several doctors appointments and seeing an ENT it was decided that they would do some exploratory surgery on my left ear. My ear canal was very small - like my body grew, but my ear canal never did. They weren't sure what they would find when they opened up my ear canal and were able to see past the ear drum. They actually did a skin graft from my left arm and used that skin to open up my ear canal. They said that when they went in my ear drum was thickened - like it had cartilege on the back side and they wanted to do another surgery to explore my middle ear after my ear canal was healed. I had my first surgery in April of my senior year and the second surgery in July before heading to college. The second surgery was pretty much exploratory. They decided to leave the bones in my middle ear alone at that time, but warned me that I may need to have prosthesis bones put in later in life. The work that they had done on my ear canal improved my hearing tremendously.

After my children were born I found that my hearing was getting progressively worse again. Now I lived in Michigan. I found an ENT there and he decided that it was time to try to put prosthesis bones in my middle ear as they had deteriorated to the point of not being able to provide enough conductivity for adequate hearing. So I had surgery to put prosthesis bones in my middle ear.

After that surgery and I had the packing removed I was so excited! I could hear so well! Almost too well! I could hear the blood pulsing through my head I could hear so well. It was almost overwhelming and took a lot of getting used to. About 2 months after that surgery I came down with bronchitis. During a coughing fit I suddenly lost my hearing. I went to the ENT and he discovered that the prosthesis bones were protruding through my ear drum. We thought it was just an unfortunate incident related to the bronchitis, so we decided to try again a few months later. But again, a couple of months after that surgery the prosthesis bones worked their way out through my ear drum. Apparently my body was having no part of these prosthesis bones. I was fitted for a hearing aid and I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to wear a hearing aid at the ripe old age of 29.

The hearing aid was wonderful when I first started wearing it. Surround sound! Who knew? But I would wear the hearing aid and then I would get an ear infection and not be able to wear it. It would take a couple of weeks to clear up and then I could wear the hearing aid, but only for a few weeks before I would et yet another ear infection.

During that time I moved to North Carolina and I found a new ENT. Dr. Mann. I was having another ear infection and was very frustrated that I was not getting full use of my hearing aid. During my first appointment with Dr. Mann he said "Well, we can't keep going down the road of trying to restore your hearing in the ways you have tried before - that obviously isn't going to work. But I would like to challenge you to think 'outside the box' regarding getting your hearing back to an acceptable level." OK - cool - I can do that - I can think outside the box. He proceeded to tell me about the BAHA (Bone Anchored Hearing Aid). It starts with putting a small titanium implant in the bone behind the ear. The titanium fuses with the bone via oseointegration. That implant then transfers sound vibrations to the functioning cochlea. So yeah - you read that right - they put a screw in your head. A sound processor then "snaps" on to the implant to process the sound and transfer it to the titanium implant. All I could hear was "screw in your head". Yeah, doc, I don't know what box you were in - but I'm not thinking outside that box - sorry. But he encouraged me to think about it and to consider it. I came back about a month later for a follow up visit and he asked me if I had thought any more about the BAHA. Nope - I haven't thought about it at all because you're nuts if you think I'm putting a screw in my head. But he pushed the issue further and told me that I could actually try the BAHA without having it "installed" via a headband that I could wear. He would even allow me to take it home for a week so that I could try it in different settings, etc... OK - fine - I will try it. He had me meet with the audiologist who explained everything to me and fitted the headband for me and sent me on my merry way. It was about a 20 minute drive home and by the time I pulled into my driveway I said "It looks like I'm getting a screw in my head!" It was amazing! I could hear again! The advantages to bypassing my ear canal and middle ear with the BAHA were very compelling and I decided to go ahead with having the BAHA installed. That surgery was December 23, 2004. I love my BAHA! And you would never know I have one unless I show it to you - and I show everyone! :) Since having the BAHA installed my ear infections have gone drastically down and I can once again hear my children. It's fantastic.

So that leads us to my thought regarding pain in the left side of my head ... hhhhhmmmmm ... I wonder ... I haven't been to the ENT in 3 years - maybe I should get my ear checked out. My appointment with the ENT was the day after my visit to the ER for some headache "snake juice" to knock my headache out. While in the ER the doc looked in my crazy left ear (no one ever looks in there and says 'Yup - that looks normal.' because it so is the farthest thing from normal in there) and declared my ear fine.

I went the NEXT DAY to the ENT and the Physician's Assistant declared that I had a raging infection - that there is no way anyone could look in there and declare that OK. I had blood and puss in the ear canal and she needed to clear that up in order to see further to what was going on in my ear. She used a small vacuum to try to clean it out which sent my dizziness into full force. She put me on Ciprodex drops to clear up the infection and renewed my prescription for Meclazine to help with the dizziness.

Over this past weekend I started the Ciprodex drops, but whenever I would put the drops in I would have a severe Vertigo attack. It was awful. So on Monday I called the ENT back and explained the situation. He asked me to come back in today so that he could see what he could see.

Today when I went back I was able to see what he saw - he used a microscope that had a camera in it that projected on a TV that I could see. I geek out over that stuff. There was most obviously something in there that shouldn't be. And when he touched it to try to get it out the vertigo was set off again. Dr. Mann said it was a cholesteatoma.

What is a cholesteatoma? A perforation of the ear drum will generally heal without surgery. In some cases, however, instead of normally healing, the skin of the ear drum can grow through the hole into the middle ear. If infection is present, the skin will continue to grow into the middle ear and will become a tumor of the ear termed a cholesteatoma. Cholesteatomas are NOT a form of cancer. They are benign tumors. As they grow, they can look like an onion peel of white skin formed into a ball.

Cholesteatomas actively erode bone because they contain enzymes which are activated by moisture. In time, cholesteatomas will eventually erode the bone leading into the inner ear. This can cause nerve loss and deafness as well as severe imbalance and dizziness. The thin plate of bone that separates the roof of the ear from the brain can also be eroded by cholesteatomas. This exposes the covering of the brain. In extreme situations, it can lead to brain infection and other severe complications.

Cholesteatoma is a serious condition and, when diagnosed, requires prompt treatment. Medical treatment concentrates on drying the infection within the ear. Antibiotics, given both by mouth and drops in the ear, combined with weekly cleaning of the ear under the surgical microscope, can clear up the infection.

A (CAT) CT scan is obtained by the ear surgeon to determine how much the cholesteatoma has spread in the ear.

The bone behind the ear is called the mastoid bone. It connects to the middle ear. In a healthy ear, it is filled with air. In most cases of cholesteatoma, the mastoid bone is filled with irritated mucous membranes and cholesteatoma itself often grows into this bone. The CAT scan will guide the ear surgeon as to how far the cholesteatoma has grown and whether it has eroded into the inner ear or brain. The CAT scan will also indicate the degree to which bones of hearing have been eroded.

Some of the risks that Dr. Mann has highlighted to me that he will be very careful to monitor during surgery are risks to the nerve hearing that I do still have in my left ear. I have lost a siginificant amount of hearing in that ear, but it seems to be all conductive hearing or bone hearing. My nerve hearing is still in tact. Fortunatley, I do already have the BAHA and could rely on that should anything happen to my nerve, but it would be markedly reduced from what I currently enjoy.

Also, with any surgery that involves the middle and/or inner ear there is concern about several nerves that run through that area. One is a facial nerve that provides feeling and motion to that entire side of my face. Another nerve is one that provides taste to that side of my tongue. With all the surgeries I have had on my ear I already have some funkiness going on with the taste. Anything that goes in my left ear makes me taste metallic - I would hope that would not become permanent. He will employ facial nerve monitoring during surgery to lessen the risk of anything happening to the facial nerve, but it is something that he wanted to be sure to discuss with me. I have had this discussion around every ear surgery I have had. So I am used to hearing about this risk.

Dr. Mann believes that the cholesteatoma that we could see via the microscope in his office has grown into the middle ear and is either cramping the inner ear or the vestibular nerve. What we could see in the office was the part that had grown into the ear canal - he believes it is a bit bigger behind the ear drum.

So to circumstances beyond my control ... I don't think I'm going to be able to train quickly enough for the November 1 half marathon. I am very disappointed about this. I have been very frustrated that I haven't been able to run or workout like I would like to due to the pain, migraines, and dizziness. I am anxious to get back to working out more regularly. Heck - half the time I don't even drive myself places right now. And I hate being reliant on others for basic things like going to work.

My surgery is scheduled for Monday, September 28 - not even two weeks from now. I am relieved to have an answer to the pain that won't go away and the troubling dizziness. No one wants to have surgery, but if that is what will help get me back to normal - I am all for it.

I had to open my big mouth and just say "circumstances beyond my control" didn't I?

NO WAY!

So I know this is kinda stalker-ish, but I found my high school math teacher and track coach on the web site for the school he now teaches at in Michigan. My husband had suggested that I try to get a hold of him to let him know I was running. That would be of particular interest to someone who really had to motivate me to run even a half mile in high school.

So I found him and I sent him an email and let him know I was running and how much I was loving it seeing as how I never thought I would ever find myself saying that. I am up to running 5 to 6 miles during the week and on the weekends when I do my long runs I am up to about 8 miles. (I need to step that up if I have a prayer of finishing a half marathon in November!) I wanted to let him know that I could still hear and feel his encouragement from the past and wanted him to know how much it meant to me, etc...

He graciously wrote his former student-now stalker back and let me know that I was now running farther than him! Math-teachin-track-coach say what? Let me assure you that thought had NEVER crossed my mind!

So Mr. Verkaik - please know you have made my millenium! Whodathunkit? :)

I can't believe I'm going to say this ...

I am signing up for the City of Oaks Half Marathon.

There I said it. So now I have to do it. Barring circumstances beyond my control I am going to run a half marathon on November 1st.

Before the half marathon I have a couple of other races that I have signed up for. I am probably doing the North Hills 5K next weekend on September 12. I am walking with "Team Rukamp" at the Heart Walk on September 27. Then I have signed up to run in the Triangle Run/Walk for Autism on October 10. (By the way - if you are interested in donating to a fantastic cause you can make an online donatoin on my web page at http://trianglerunwalkforautism.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=307405&lis=0&kntae307405=CAECA424F0694E0B9E8149ACEF5694F9) Then I am going to be running the American Tobacco Trail 10 mile run on October 24 - just 1 week before the half marathon on November 1.

Yeah - that wore me out just writing it. :)

Running

So I have been trying to run at least 5 miles during the week when I get my runs in. I run at least 3 times during the week (usually Monday, Wednesday, and Friday), and on the days I don't run I do strength training. On Saturday I try to do a longer run - at least 6 miles and gradually working my way up to more. Now that I have been running longer distances I am finding the need to hydrate better and find some way to fuel my runs. This is a challenge in general for me because of my decreased ability to take in food - especially in the morning when I like to run.
So I did some research and did some shopping and this is what I came up with.

I bought an Amphipod Hydraform Handheld Hydration System. I was thinking about getting a hydration belt of some sort, but not quite ready to make a jump like that. I like this because I don't really have to hold it - just strap it to my hand and it stays in place. It is shaped for your hand.

Something I did discover is you don't want to put something too cold in there - it will freeze your hand! :) It holds 20 ounces which is good - I can just sip here and there and it's just enough for me.

It also has a little pocket and I can put my license in there, or something else I am experimenting with - sports beans.

I tried using these in my run for the first time yesterday and it went really well. I was worried about dumping on them, but since I take them when I am running - they metabolize and absorb really well. I take a few before I run and then every 30 minutes. I didn't have the totally exhausted feeling I had last week - like I just couldn't run any farther even if my life depended on it. I bought an assortment of these at REI this weekend, including some CLIF BLOK SHOTS and some PowerBar Gel Blasts. So I have a few things to try and see how they work for me.

I continue to love running and it boggles my mind. But I look forward to my runs - especially my long ones on Saturdays.

Another Race

I ran my third race this past weekend - The Great Raleigh Road Race. This one was a little different in that instead of a 5K (which is just over 3 miles) this race was 4 miles long. I hadn't done anything that long yet. I was running about 4.5 miles during my workouts.

My friend Jen ran with me again. She is so good to me - thinks of things for us to talk about to take our mind off the running - encourages me - gives me pep talks as we go. I wasn't sure what to make for my goals for this race because it was going to be a different length than the others. Again - I wanted to not stop and to not be last. In general I wanted to improve my pace. My second race "Run the Quay" had me finishing 3 miles in 40 minutes with a 13-something pace. My first race The Skirt Chaser had me finishing 3 miles in 45 minutes with a 14:30 pace.

Well, for this race I finished in 49:18. That put my pace at 12:20! I didn't stop, and I wasn't last. Although - there weren't too many people behind me. I think Jen and I came in at 344 and 345 out of 350. OUCH! But I was still very proud of myself for my accomplishment in improving my pace time again.

I have totally caught the running bug and am already working on upping my workout mileage in preparation for a 10K in the fall. I am recruiting other friends at work to run this one as well. It is the Running of the Wolves on October 24. I need to think on what my goals for that race will be seeing as how it's so much longer. Jen has also planted a seed in my head about a half marathon in 2010. She is running her first this fall. I hope to cheer her on! She has been such an incredible inspiration to me.

It is still such a crazy thing to me to even hear myself say that I am going to do a 10K and possibly a half marathon! It's like hearing a different voice in my head. But I seriously CRAVE running. If for some reason I skip a few days of running - I itch to get back on the road. While we were on vacation a couple of weeks ago I ran 4 or 5 times while we were gone. When I didn't run I did the elliptical or the bike. It was my morning routine and it got me going for the day. I was usually up and back from my workout before the rest of the family even got up. That is SO NOT ME! I love to sleep in. But especially in the heat of summer, if I don't run first thing in the morning I have a hard time running later in the day.

As I start to get into longer distances I really need to work on my hydration and fueling my body for the runs. I struggle big time with getting enough water or fluids in on a regular day and I am starting to notice times of dehydration after I have a longer run. I have taken to drinking a lot of G2 Gatorade. I also really like Vitamin Water. It's a good way for me to rehydrate as well as get a few extra calories in on days when eating is a chore. (Yes, I just said there are days when eating is a chore - who knew?)

Products I Love

I forgot to mention a few things that I got for my birthday this year that have become Products I Love.

The first is my Sportsline Heart Rate Monitor. My parents bought this for me for my birthday. I love it because it doesn't have a chest strap with it. This means I have to check my heart rate during my work out - but it is so fast and easy to do - I don't mind doing it at all. I just have to press the button on the face of the watch for a few seconds and it takes my heart rate. It has EKG accuracy. It also tells me if my heart rate is too low and I need to pick it up, or too low and I need to slow down. It has several different modes - regular time, a timer, a countdown timer, and a calorie burning mode. That one is my favorite. I start it at my work out and it shows me how long I have been working out and how many calories I have burned (which is accurately calculated based on your heart rate).

The second thing I got for my birthday that I love is my Sony Walkman. No, don't think those walkman's we all had in Jr. High - the tape recorder with the big headphones. This is 2009 people. I know the gold standard in MP3 players is the iPod, but honestly - I only use the MP3 player when I run and I just didn't have the money to put into an iPod. I looked at the Shuffle, but I still wanted to be able to have an interface that I could see what I was doing. I found the Sony Walkman (in pink even!) and I have loved using it. It does MP3 songs, but it also holds pictures and videos just like an iPod. The 2 inch screen is big enough to show what I need. Being a Sony Walkman - it also has FM Radio which I didn't think I needed, but has come in handy several times. My lovely husband also bought me a black neoprene case and armband for me to use while running. The case protects the Walkman from the elements and can be used separately from the armband. I love it all. I have gotten to the point that I can't run without my tunes. They help me zone out and not fight my brain while I'm running. I am able to run farther and farther these days. The one thing I will say about the walkman is that the earphones that come with it are not designed for running at all. You will need to invest in some different earphones that stay on your ears better when you are running. I bought some Phillips ones that wrap around my ears and they work great.

That is all for now - check back later for others! :)