Skinny Cow

I just have to share that I have found an awesome treat.  The Chocolate Truffle ice cream bar by Skinny Cow.

1 bar is just 100 calories.  It's actually a pretty large bar considering it is only 100 calories. The ice cream is surprisingly rich and not icy. There are only 12 grams of sugar.  That might be too much for some post WLS - but it is just within my safe zone.  And thank goodness! It has become a regular nightly treat for me. 

Tracking For My Stall

I seem to have hit another stall. It's so frustrating. I ask myself a lot of questions during a stall to see where I can adjust and change. Is it possible I am doing anything myself that might be sabotaging my weight loss? Here are some of the questions that I ask myself:

• Am I eating too much?
• Am I eating too little?
• Am I eating enough protein?
• Am I eating too much carbs?
• Am I exercising enough?
• Am I exercising too much?
• Am I getting in enough water?
• Am I taking my vitamins and supplements regularly?

I have found that in order to accurately answer these questions I need to track what I'm eating and what I do for exercise. I use The Daily Plate by Livestrong. I think I have mentioned it on this blog before, but it is an invaluable tool for me. It is free and can be found at www.thedailyplate.com. I highly recommend it - even if you aren't "dieting" - it is a really great way to get a good idea of exactly what your eating so that you can see where you may have deficiencies or areas to improve. If you enter your weight, age, etc..., it will calculate how many calories you should be striving for a day. Then you can enter the food that you are eating each day - available from a large database of a variety of foods. When you enter the foods it will show you calories, carbs, protein, fiber, cholesterol, sugars, etc... for that food and track your totals by day, week, and month. You can create dishes by combining various foods that you can recall by dish. You can track how much water you are drinking. You can also enter your exercise for the day and it will calculate how many calories you burned - giving you your net calories for the day. And you can run reports that will show you different trends in the information you are entering. It is a very powerful tool that can give you a lot of information fast.

So I am using The Daily Plate to track my food and exercise. I had gotten away from it since my vacation to Missouri earlier this summer. I am hoping that this will help me to see if there are any areas that I need to re-focus on as I try to break this stall.

Products I Love

I forgot to mention a few things that I got for my birthday this year that have become Products I Love.

The first is my Sportsline Heart Rate Monitor. My parents bought this for me for my birthday. I love it because it doesn't have a chest strap with it. This means I have to check my heart rate during my work out - but it is so fast and easy to do - I don't mind doing it at all. I just have to press the button on the face of the watch for a few seconds and it takes my heart rate. It has EKG accuracy. It also tells me if my heart rate is too low and I need to pick it up, or too low and I need to slow down. It has several different modes - regular time, a timer, a countdown timer, and a calorie burning mode. That one is my favorite. I start it at my work out and it shows me how long I have been working out and how many calories I have burned (which is accurately calculated based on your heart rate).

The second thing I got for my birthday that I love is my Sony Walkman. No, don't think those walkman's we all had in Jr. High - the tape recorder with the big headphones. This is 2009 people. I know the gold standard in MP3 players is the iPod, but honestly - I only use the MP3 player when I run and I just didn't have the money to put into an iPod. I looked at the Shuffle, but I still wanted to be able to have an interface that I could see what I was doing. I found the Sony Walkman (in pink even!) and I have loved using it. It does MP3 songs, but it also holds pictures and videos just like an iPod. The 2 inch screen is big enough to show what I need. Being a Sony Walkman - it also has FM Radio which I didn't think I needed, but has come in handy several times. My lovely husband also bought me a black neoprene case and armband for me to use while running. The case protects the Walkman from the elements and can be used separately from the armband. I love it all. I have gotten to the point that I can't run without my tunes. They help me zone out and not fight my brain while I'm running. I am able to run farther and farther these days. The one thing I will say about the walkman is that the earphones that come with it are not designed for running at all. You will need to invest in some different earphones that stay on your ears better when you are running. I bought some Phillips ones that wrap around my ears and they work great.

That is all for now - check back later for others! :)

I've lost my ever-lovin' mind!

OK - I posted here a while back that I had started running. And it doesnt' seem to be a fluke. I continue to run and it boggles my mind.

And this weekend I have done something that I never in my wildest imagination ever thought I could do - much less want to do. I am signing up to run a 5K. I have found a race that is being run in 2 weeks on May 23 in downtown Raleigh. It is a fun race and that is what I want for my first 5K (does that mean there will be more???).

It is put on my Skirt Sports and is called the Skirt Chaser 5k. Skirt Sports makes these great skirts for you to do just about anything in. The race is called the skirt chaser because the women get a 3 minute head start on the men - who then become the skirt chasers! The women who start first are called the "Catch Me" wave and the men who start second are called the "Skirt Chaser" wave.

I am curently running a little over 2 miles, so I need to step up my training over the next two weeks to be ready for the 5K - but now that I have put it out there for the world to see I will be held accountable.

So who wants to run with me? Or at least meet me at the finish line? I could use all the encouragement I can get! :)

Food and Feelings

I see a wonderful therapist and she has been helping me with this after-WLS world I am in. She has me going through a book called "The Food and Feelings Workbook". It is by Karen Koenig. I highly recommend this book for anyone who struggles with their relationship with food - whether it's turning to it for comfort, or trying to control it by denying yourself of it - this book is great. The basic tenant of this book is that "accepting your emotions, however painful they are, is the key not only to ending dysfunctional eating but also to achieving the health, happiness, success, and deep satisfaction about life you want and deserve." Going through this book has been a big wake up call for me about how I use food to avoid certain feelings. It's not just a comfort to me - the food and eating it is comforting - but I seek the comfort so that I don't have to feel things I don't want to feel. Do you find yourself doing this, too? Here are some guidelines that Karen Koenig has in her book:

1. First, acknowledge that, as a person who intentionally and regularly rejects or consumes food to distract from feeling, you most likely have a negative view of uncomfortable emotions.


2. Second, identify exactly what you believe about emotions.


3. Third, make a conscious, ongoing effort to change your beliefs.

Acceptance does not mean letting them run you ragged or having a field day with other people. Nor does it imply that you must like having unsettling and sometimes acutely wounding emotions. it merely requires that you acknowledge the hurt and give unpleasant feelings the right to come and go, just as you do the pleasant ones.

If you want to end disordered eating, you have to break the link between feelings and food.

If you're a dysfunctional eater who turns toward food when you're feeling bad, it tastes good in part because you're desperately looking for ways to ward off the blues, the blahs, the jitters. ... Another reason that food tastes good for people who view it as a panacea is that it's meant to be eaten so that our species will survive and flourish. Food is supposed to be appetizing and appealing, delectable and divine. So when you bite into a juicy apple or a buttery croissant, it's no surprise that your taste buds cheer wildly. They're happy even if you're not. But just because something tastes good doesn't mean you should be eating it, especially if the real business at hand is
attending to emotions.

Science has come a long way in understanding the complexities of appetite and affect. Research tells us that under stress our bodies crave carbohydrates, which have chemical properties to soothe and relax us, just as milk did in infancy. not only does food taste heavenly, it's also a source of what we're physiologically lacking in moments of distress. Take carbohydrates whose chemical compounds break down in our bodies in such a way as to calm and comfort us. Food does this job extremely well - too well!

She talks about the physical manifestation of emotions - takes you through exercises to help you recognize those physical manifestations - things such as:

• dry throat


• fatigue


• shortness of breath


• queasiness


• racing pulse


• flushing


• inability to focus or concentrate


• butterflies in your stomach


• pounding heart


• a lump in your throat


• tightness or hollowness in your chest


• constriction around your eyes

She says "To become a whole, healthy person, you have to stop trying to avoid feeling badly and welcome all your emotions without judgment, no matter what they are."

I have been known as the Queen of Denial. I like to camp out there often. It's really quite comfortable there, and I tend to find an unending supply of cookie dough when I need it. I also like to point out to other people when they are visiting that great land. I know because I am the Queen and I can recognize it easily in others.

Karen Koenig identifies the 7 most difficult feelings for disordered eaters. They are:

1. Guilt - Practically every dysfunctional eater is other-oriented, a caretaker, a do-gooder, has an overly-developed sense of responsibility, and rarely (if ever) believes she is doing enough. Because they are people pleasers and feel naughty or selfish when they do things for themselves, their self care is only fair to poor. The major way they take care of themselves is - you guessed it - through food.


2. Shame - Disordered eating may be a way to maintain the shame they unconsciously think they ought to feel or are used to feeling.


3. Helplessness - Occurs when there is nothing we can do. It underlies many feelings - frustration, impatience, anger, and anxiety. Something terrible is going to happen and I can't do a damned thing about it! Many disordered eaters combat their helplessness by taking action, usually in the form of micromanaging their food intake or consuming every morsel in sight.


4. Anxiety - People who eat to sooth their nerves. These individuals are anxious about what they did yesterday and about what they're going to do tomorrow.


5. Disappointment - Chronic disappointment can lead people to believe that they don't deserve to have positive expectations and outcomes in life. Wanting causes them to feel needy and so they deny their genuine desires. Because it's too scary to have expectations of themselves or of other people, they turn to something that's predictable and always in good supply - food. When an emotional eater suffers the letdown of disappointment, food picks them up, at least for a while.


6. Confusion - It runs rampant in a population of eaters who are out of touch with their physical needs and wants. They're not sure whether they're really hungry or deserve to eat, what they should eat, when they're full, what they ought to look like, and what they should weigh. Most of their confusion is about the concept of enough in numerous areas of their lives. What drives their confusion is the desperate urge to find out what's right so they won't fail or make mistakes. Because it's difficult to tolerate the tension created by vague, mixed or conflicting feelings, they often give up and instead take a stroll down a supermarket aisle or focus on numbers, which are sharp and clear - on a scale or food package.


7. Loneliness - A soul killer - no wonder lonely people seek solace in food! When disordered eaters feel this depth of loneliness, they're desperate to bond with something, anything - to merely feel alive.

You will begin to realize your dreams when you allow your emotions to speak to you, when you listen carefully to what they have to say, and when you make conscious choices based on authentic feelings couples with sound judgment. To do this, however, you must become conversant with the language that emotions speak - and that's often the language of pain.

People who allow themselves to experience their heartache and learn from it lead happy, successful lives, whereas people who run from emotional pain end up unhappy and unfulfilled.

So I think the feelings that stand out for me are Helplessness, Anxiety, Disappointment, and sometimes Loneliness.

There are so many things in this life that I have learned I have absolutely no control over. It makes me feel helpless - I don't like not having control (as I have talked about in earlier blogs). Eating gives me a sense of control - and it also feels very good. Problem is - when I have binged to give myself the feeling of control - I only end up feeling more out of control. Why did I do that?

I totally eat to soothe my nerves. This is still a problem for me. I had a disturbing appointment last week and as I was driving back to work I found myself screaming in the car "I just want a freakin' cheeseburger, damn it!" I passed an Arby's (which I love) and I just wanted to pull in for a roast beef sandwich and some curly fries! Make it go away!

Ah yes, Disappointment. Somehow in my twisted mind I have convinced myself that my favorite foods never disappoint me. They are always there for me when I need them - always providing the comfort I seek. When someone doesn't treat me the way I feel I deserve to be treated - food does - it makes me feel so good. But how twisted is that? It disappoints me every time - every pound I put on because of it.

I have had those moments of strolling down the supermarket aisles - searching for my comfort. I have found myself going faster and faster - not even knowing what I'm looking for - just knowing that I will know it when I find it. It could be some cookie dough - maybe brownie mix or frosting - or how about that Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream - or it could be something salty like Doritos or a sausage egg and cheese biscuit. I have even found myself standing in front of my pantry or refrigerator in the middle of the night after a stressful confrontation or a fight with my husband. I'm tired of the conflict and I am tired of feeling this way - give me some food to make it go away.

And having de-carbed since surgery - I can so see how carbs do affect my feelings. The few times that I have had some small carb with what I am eating since surgery have nearly sent me on an eating binge again. I can't even describe it! It just feels so good! I know that this surgery is the only way for me to divorce food. I can't binge anymore - I get sick - very ill - it downright hurts. In fact, there are days that eating is a downright chore.

Karen Koenig gives some great techniques for slowing down - recognizing the physical manifestations of our emotions and feelings - deep breathing that helps you become more in tune with what your body is trying to tell you.

So how is your relationship with food? Are you obsessed with it? Or are you using it the way it should be used? Have you learned to live with your feelings? Do you turn to food or to something else to not have to deal with those feelings? Do you have feelings which you have deemed "bad"? Why do we think emotions in and of themselves are bad? They were given to us by our creator for a reason. We should not ignore them or push them aside - we need to get to the root of the emotions and discern what they are telling us so that we can move on.

Products I Love

OK - I found something else just recently that I absolutely love. It is the web site The Daily Plate. You can quickly and easily keep track of what you eat as well as your exercise - giving you a quick glance at calories in and calories out. You can look up any food and keep a log for yourself. This is particularly helpful when creating a dish - it can be hard to tell how many grams of protein, fat, carbs, etc.... are in something once I am done with it. With this wonderful site I can just plug in all of the ingredients and it figures it out for me. I can also enter my exercise and it will track that for me as well. And best of all - it's FREE!

Products I Love

I am starting a "Products I Love" section. Today I am singing the praises of the Blender Bottle.

The Best Mixer Since the Wire Whisk
For hundreds of years, gourmet cooks have used the wire whisk to quickly blend their ingredients into a smooth, light consistency. The unique Blender Bottle harnesses the power of the wire whisk to create a compact, modern mixer that puts other shaker bottles to shame.

Lumps Are No Match for the Blender Ball!
At the heart of the Blender Bottle is the patented Blender Ball. This springy, high-efficiency mixer moves freely through the Blender Bottle as you shake it, mixing even the thickest drinks with ease. It quickly destroys the lumps, and keeps powdered drink mixes from sticking to the bottom or sides of the bottle.

The Blender Ball is made from surgical stainless steel, electropolished to a high luster, and guaranteed to last. Like the rest of the Blender Bottle, it's completely dishwasher safe.

No Batteries, No Cord, No Hassle
The superiority of the Blender Bottle is no accident. It was designed from top to bottom to be the best hand-held mixer ever made. Consider these key features...
· Secure screw-on lid prevents leaks.
· StayOpen™ flip cap stays where you put it.
· Large, comfortable drinking spout.
· Generous 28 fl oz capacity (or you can buy the "mini" at 20 oz.)
· Wide opening for easy addition of ingredients.
· Embossed ounce and ml markings.
· GripperBar™ sides for no-slip grip.
· Base sized to fit most cup holders.
· Easy to clean and dishwasher safe.

The Blender bottles are low cost and easy to clean. I currently have two - one at work and one at home. I'm considering getting another for home because I tend to either have mine in the dishwasher or in the car - so an extra one would be handy. I use my Blender Bottle for my protein shakes - it gets them the perfect consistency. But if you go to their website http://www.blenderbottle.com/ you can find recipes and ideas for using it for so much more - like for pancake batter, egg dishes, anything you need to whisk. I have also found these on Amazon.com for extremely cheap. I bought mine at the Vitamin Shoppe (my new favorite store).

Go get you one!