Another WOW Moment!

So last night after my lovely dumping episode I went over to my mom's house. My mom (who is my hero) lost a lot of weight last year. In so doing, she had a lot of clothes that she grew out of. For some reason she kept a bunch of it. So last night I got to go shopping in her closet! I love doing that. I know some of you are thinking "Seriously? Shopping in your 60 year old mother's closet?" I have to tell you my mom is so cool and has excellent taste in clothes. I can't wait until we can share more clothes again.

So the first pair of pants she brougth out were 3 sizes smaller than what I have been wearing. I said No Way - I will never fit in those, mom. But she convinced me to try - at least give ourselves a starting point. So I stepped into them ... pulled them up ... buttoned them ... and zipped them. THEY FIT!!!!! I won't lie - I did me a little happy dance right there.

I ended up walking away with 2 garbage bags full of clothes! Some of the clothes are a little on the tight side, but I will probably fit in them sooner rather than later at the rate I am going.

The most fun we had last night is I tried a bunch of the formal wear that she has in her closet. I really have to find somewhere to wear some of this! We took some pictures of me in the hot-ness, but I don't have them yet. As soon as I get them I will post them.

And I would like to give a shout out to my friend Rachel today who seems to be having her own WOW moment today. She is rockin' the hot-ness today in a stylish outfit. She looks fantastic! She is losing weight as well and is looking fabulous!

I don't feel so good!

So I had my first dump yesterday. That was absolutely miserable. I had a Breakstone's Cottage Doubles. It's cottage cheese and some raspberry puree. I didn't look closely enough at the label and the puree had 14 grams of sugar in it. Not long after I had it for lunch I was miserable. Headache, nausea, sweating, dizzy, just generally feeling like I had been hit by a truck. I threw the other cottage double I had in the fridge out. It was so miserable. I don't want to feel like that again. Sugar is not my friend.

GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

I usually take stupid comments by stupid people in stride. (I know some of you are reading this and totally laughing at me and thinking "Pam? Seriously?") But I realize that most people have no idea how WLS works. Many people consider it the "easy way out". And part of why I started this blog was to help educate friends and family (and cyber stalkers) about this process and journey. So I do understand that there are a lot of misconceptions out there about this whole thing.

But today - someone's comment to me has really stuck in my craw! UGH! We were in the kitchen at work and she was asking me how I was doing (everyone at work knows I have had this surgery). Her son-in-law is considering this surgery and she keeps checking in with me to see how it's going. A frequent question I get is "Are you able to eat real food yet?" That one always gets me. Well most food I put in my mouth is real - what kind of food do you eat? Never mind - that is just the dry humor of my Father coming out in me. So I was telling her some of the things I can eat now that I am in the pureed/soft food stage. So she mentions that her son-in-law "needs to get his act together soon or he's gonna have to do this the hard way by watching what he eats and exercising."

Yeah - so I made a real conscious effort not to beat her down.

As politely as I could I told her that if he chose to have surgery he would have to watch what he eats EVEN MORE than if he hadn't had surgery. I have never been so conscious about what I am putting in my mouth in all my life! I count calories, I count fat grams, I count carbs, and protein and ounces of water. I have cut out virtually all sugar from my diet. And exercise - I exercise a lot! This is a lifestyle change people - that's not cliche. Doing what I have always done will NOT get me anywhere different. I have to change everything about how I was living if I want this to be a permanenet and life altering change. People who don't abide by these new rules do not succeed. They are the ones that your friends will whisper to you about ... "My aunt had her stomach stapled, but now she put all the weight back on" ... I did not go through all of this to keep living the same way. I knew there had to be changes - major changes - this surgery has helped me to make those changes and helps me to stick by them. With a regular "diet" you can cheat - you can have that one candy bar - those 2 cookies - that bite of ice cream. I can't. This surgery ensures that I don't cheat. I don't eat too much, I don't eat too fast, and I don't eat what my body cannot absorb and process well.

So let me assure all of you out there that may be reading this thinking that I took the easy way out - this was anything but easy. You still have to watch what you eat - even more so now than ever. You don't want to put something in your mouth that will make you dump. You can't eat too much or you will puke. You have to go through a lot of stages while your new pouch heals with clear liquids, full liquids, pureed foods, soft foods. You have to be sure to get a certain amount of protein, and fluid in each day. And you still need to exercise - that needs to become part of your daily routine. It helps the weight come off - it helps it stay off - it helps your body heal - it helps your energy levels - it helps with extra skin. WLS is a tool for those looking to loose a lot of weight. A tool. Not a magical wand. More like a sledge hammer or a chisel. Be careful with both.

WHOA!

My good friend, Rachel, invited me to start "walking" with her during lunch at work. We were supposed to start last week, but with the snow screwing up our schedules - we started this week.

Let me tell you, that was not a walk. No, walking is not what we did. We went hiking. The building we work at has a trail around the campus. Which is nice and convenient. BUT HOLY CRAP! There is major terrain people! We did a mile and a half in a little over 45 minutes. Now that isn't much if you're just walking, and I'm sure that I totally slowed Rachel down since it was my first time. And now I just want to collapse at my desk. I could totally just lay down and become comatose for the next several hours. I am exhausted. I took a protein bullet before we left, but it's not quite cutting it.

When I got back to my desk I plugged my activity into my plate on The Daily Plate. It says I burned 598 calories! WHOA! Seriously? At this point I'm lucky to take in 600-800 calories a day! I just burned what I ate! My heart rate is always high - even at rest it's really high. So while we were hiking I had Rachel help me check my heart rate a couple of times. The first really big hill we took it was up at 170. After a few more hills Rachel made me stop because my heart rate was up to 200. But it was normally running about 140-150.

I better get change and get back to work - I just had to update y'all. :)

4 Weeks Ago Today ...

4 Weeks Ago Today I was off to see the Wizard! I can't believe it's only been 4 weeks. But more importantly, I can't believe that I am officially down 30 pounds since my surgery!!!!!!

I am still having a hard time seeing it. We talked about this at our latest support group meeting. I still see me 30 pounds ago in the mirror. People will tell me that they can tell I'm losing weight and I try to be gracious, but the first thing that pops into my mind is "They are just saying that because they know I had surgery." I know in my mind that I am losing weight and that I am getting smaller because clothes are fitting me different - some fit me that didn't before and some don't fit me anymore at all. But ME - in my heart and soul - I still don't see it or accept it. Maybe it's all those years of failing at diets. There is still a part of me that is afraid this won't work. I want it desperately to work - but I am afraid of hope.

Verklempt

OK - I've been all verklempt tonight after being approached by 2 different people at church tonight. One was my son's 3rd grade teacher, and one was his Cub Scout Leader. Both told me that when it is time to pray and they ask for prayer requests Caleb is constantly either asking people to pray for me that I would recover from my surgery well, or he is submitting praise reports for me because I am doing so well after surgery or because I found a new drink or food that I like and that I can eat. How awesome is that? How can I not do well with this surgery when I have the most precious one petitioning our Father on my behalf? He is constantly looking out for me - trying to be mindful of not eating things that I would like but can't have around me. As I have said in the past - my children are my greatest reminder of God's grace and mercy in my life. How could I have been so blessed as to have been granted these angels? My daughter, Marissa, has been heard telling total strangers in the hospital elevator that they were visiting their mommy who was in the hospital to get skinny. Out of the mouths of babes ....

Of course, you will need to remind me of this tomorrow morning when I have said for the 100th time "Sit down and eat your breakfast!! No, you can't have icing for breakfast!! Ms. Beth will be here any minute to pick you up! Take your meds! Get your shoes and socks on! What do you mean you were supposed to read that for today? NO! SIT DOWN AND EAT YOUR BREAKFAST! Don't get your butt up from that chair again until you are done eating your breakfast!!!!! Put your bowl in the sink please! No, you can't bring your Hannah Montanna doll to school today! Where is your backpack? What do you mean you have no shoes? Please - stop touching the dogs while you are eating breakfast! "

WLS Oddities

So there are a few odd things that have happened with my WLS. No one tells you about the odd things that happen to your body after WLS. Like re-routing my intestines isn't odd enough.

The first is that I am breaking out like I have hit puberty all over again. Apparently hormones like to hide out in your fat cells, and as the fat cells shrink the hormones are released back into your body. UGH! It wreaks havoc with you!

The second is that I am COLD ... all the time!! I am not used to this at all. Being fat I was hot all the time. Now I can't get warm. I feel like I will never get warm again! I have been told by my surgeon that because I am taking in so little calories right now, my internal thermostat is low on the priority list for keeping me going.

I have to be really careful drinking cold drinks. That first sip had better be just that - a sip. If I take in a bit too much it hurts - like Kanga cramps up from the shock or something. I still can't gulp anything - have to be careful about how much I take in at one time. And in that vain - burping has never been so painful! I work and work and work at getting a bubble up (and I suddenly have to burp all the freakin' time!) only for it to be just a little something. I would think for all that work and effort it should be one monster belch. And I am good at the monster belch, but now I seem to have broken my burping bone or something.

What Life Would Be Like

I am a big fan of Big Daddy Weave. I have loved their music for a long time. I recently heard that the lead singer of the group, Mike Weaver, was undertaking his own life transformation. He has called it 90 in 09. He wants to loose 90 pounds this year. Definitely a worthy undertaking to be sure - also a bit of a monumental one in more ways than one. Check out his website at www.90in09.com.

There are 3 daily commitments in his 90 in 09 Challenge that he would like to see his fants undertake to bring about the new life transformation:

Nutrition - Exercise - Worship

NUTRITION
1. Recognizing that the purpose of the foods that I eat is to provide my body with the fuel it needs, I commit to make food choices that are nutritious and appropriate in portion size.

EXERCISE
2. Realizing the positive impact that exercise has on my overall wellbeing, I will spend a total of 20 to 30 minutes each day engaged in physical activity.

WORSHIP
3. Believing that true overall health encompasses spiritual growth which comes from spending time with God, I choose to set aside time each day to be devoted solely to Him.

The group also has a new song that I have totally fallen in love with.

What Life Would Be Like:

I wish I was more of a man
Have you ever felt that way
And if I had to tell you the truth
I’m afraid I’d have to say
That after all I’ve done and failed to do
I feel like less than I was meant to be

What if I could fix myself
Maybe then I could get free
I could try to be somebody else
Who’s much better off than me
But I need to remember this
That it’s when I’m at my weakest
I can clearly see

He made the lame walk and the dumb talk
He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time
Yet He knows our deepest desperate need
And the world waits while His heart aches
To realize the dream
I wonder what life would be like if we let Jesus live thru you and me

What if you could see yourself thru another pair of eyes
What if you could hear the truth
Instead of old familiar lies
What if you could feel inside
The power of the hand that made the universe You’d realize

All our hearts they burn within us
All our lives we’ve longed for more
So let us lay our lives before the one who gave His life for us

More Experimenting In the Kitchen

OK - I don't experiment in the kitchen. I don't. I find a recipe - I stick to it. It had better be easy and have like 6 ingredients or less or I don't even attempt it.

But I have been experimenting lately. Today I wanted to make like a chicken salad that I could eat. I started out with a package of Tysons premium white chunk chicken. I threw it in the food processor with some lemon juice, some lemon pepper seasoning, and some fat free miracle whip. You could do it without the food processor - but I'm still in pureed food stage - so I zapped it. The lemon pepper gave it a kick - nice. It tasted fine that way, but then on a whim I added some shredded cheddar cheese (cause cheese makes everything better in my book). So you can have it with or without. I think tonight I might heat it up in the microwave - that would be yummy, too.

I didn't put any measurements on this cause I didn't measure anything. I put the lemon juice in because I need it to stay moist for Kanga right now. I would do the lemon pepper to taste - as little or as much kick as you want. I would say I put about 2 tablespoons of miracle whip in - again - I need it to be moist - you may not want as much. I just put a handful of cheese in. It was really yummy.

Keep Moving Forward

I have long attested that the greatest Disney movie of all time is Meet the Robinsons. I watched it with the kids again tonight and I am again reminded of what a great movie this is!

I love the messages in this movie. "Let go of the past and keep moving forward." Wouldn't we all be wise to shake off our mis-steps and keep moving forward? So many times we let something in our past control our present - possibly even our future? Grudges, regrets, something we feel that has shaped who and what we are now - feeling as though we are completely held captive to that thing.

My favorite scene in the movie is when Lewis tries to fix a machine that will make peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches automatically, but something goes horribly wrong and there is peanut butter and jelly EVERYWHERE. Wilbur and the rest of the Robinson family applaud and hail Lewis. "You failed!" They celebrate his failure. He is completely stunned and confused. One of the family members says "From failure you learn; from success, not so much."

This film also stresses the importance of owning up to our mistakes. Admitting when you have made a mistake - owning up to it and the subsequent consequences.

I want so much for my children to see this - that it's OK to fail - you don't always do everything right - and when we screw up we learn huge lessons. I want them to learn that they have to own their mistakes in order to learn from them. I want them to learn to let go of the past (and all the hurts that may be associated with it) and to keep moving forward. Living in the past only brings guilt. Fearing the future only brings anxiety.

I have had my share of failures. I feel like I am finally owning the mistakes that got me to this point. I hope that making this change in my life while my children are young will show them that I do see how much I have to live for - how much I want to make ammends for this "epic fail" in my life - letting myself get this heavy. In doing so - I have to make peace with my past - let it go - and keep moving forward.

I also love the song that Rob Thomas sings as the theme for this movie. It's called Little Wonders.

Here are the lyrics:

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over

let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we'll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders t
hese twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain






Thanks for indulging me while I pontificate a bit. :)