Sunday, October 17, 2010


Living in Raleigh, NC the North Carolina State Fair is a HUGE deal.  I never realized what a big deal a state fair could be until you lived in the city that hosts it every year.  But it is always lots of fun.  Tons of midway rides, tons of ridiculous fair food, and fair freaks as far as the eye can see!  :)

We went to the fair today.  The kids loved it.  One of the things they really wanted to do was go on this bungee jumping thing.  There are these little trampolines and they jump in a harness that is attached to these huge bungees.  We waited in line for a while and when we got to the front of the line I was reading the rules, etc... and there in front of me was the weight limit.  I had to blink a couple of times in order to make sure I was reading it right.  I was UNDER the weight limit!!!!!!!

Well, in that case - I gotta ride this sucker!

Getting ready!

I'm doing it!  I'm doing it!


It was utterly exhausting!  And, of course, right before she strapped me in all I could think was "I really should have gone pee before I did this ..."  I tried awful hard to flip, but I just couldn't bring myself to throw myself back quite far enough.  It was a bit un-nerving to be getting that high up, but it was exhilarating at the same time.  When I was done I could hardly walk. and I was breathing so hard.  But I did it!  It was so fun!

Thursday, October 14, 2010


I have referred often to dumping.  It sounds nasty because it is.  But what exactly is it?  The most amazing Melting Mama has just recently posted a great explanation adapted from the OAC (Obesity Action Coalition) and so I thought I would share.

Since my surgical ERCP I have started early dumping again and my late dumping has gotten worse.  Happy Happy Joy Joy!

Self Limiting Beliefs

So it seems my last post was quite timely. I was actually in the midst of taking a training class at work on Negotiating. The next day we spent quite a bit of time talking about self-limiting beliefs. It got me to thinking about my last post where I was talking about how I still see myself as I was before my gastric bypass surgery. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror all the time, etc…

So I thought I would share some of what I learned in my class as I felt it was quite applicable.

When we believe that we have a right o what we want, and when we believe we can be successful in achieving it, then we tend to go after it with a certain amount of gusto and confidence. When we do not believe that we have a right to something or cannot achieve something, then we tend to overreact or underreact or not try at all. Our disbelief makes us afraid and our fear makes us distrustful and unempowered. Consequently, we either approach what we want in a whimpering kind of way that others do not take seriously, or we puff up our courage and approach it so aggressively that others become defensive and non-cooperative. If we get scared enough, then we do not bother trying at all.

The amazing thing about our beliefs is that others believe us. Beliefs are contagious. When we believe that we can’t, others believe we can’t. When we believe that we can, others pick up on our confidence and believe that we can do what we say we can do. Others do not question us unless we question ourselves. They respect us as much as we expect to be respected. It is as if we walk around with a price tag hanging on our hat. Sometimes our price tag says we are worth a dollar, and other times fifty cents, and still other times we are willing to pay others to take us off their hands. Other people always seem to know what we believe we are worth, and they rarely give us more than we believe we are worth.

Our beliefs are formed out of particular experiences but we generalize those particular experiences. We assume that what happened to us in one situation or with a particular person will also happen in other situations with other people, especially in other situations and with other people who seem similar. Hence, we become scripted or predisposed to expect certain things in life. Our beliefs act as a filter system through which we interpret all of our life experiences.

Our self-limiting beliefs were formed from those times in our lives when we were not successful in getting what we needed.

Our empowering beliefs were formed from those times in our lives when we were successful at getting the results we needed. From these experiences, we developed the internal trust in ourselves that we could act and be successful.

What we say to ourselves creates boundaries around our behavior and therefore the results that we get. We act or don’t act effectively depending upon what we say to ourselves. What we do or fail to do produces our results.

All of us will find ourselves grappling with self-limiting beliefs in life. The important issue for us is what to do when we find ourselves feeling unempowered. We have several options for managing self-limiting beliefs.

Option One: Check Out the Data
Sometimes we are stuck in self-limiting beliefs because we don’t have all the facts or our facts are inaccurate. Having distorted or incomplete data can cause us to make false assumptions that unnecessarily limit us.

Option Two: Get Input From Others
A second option for moving beyond our self-limiting beliefs is to talk to others in order to get a broader perspective on the situation and what our options are. Sometimes too, others have had different experiences that may apply to our situation. We may be able to learn something from their experience.

Option Three: Take It a Step at a Time
Sometimes the way through our self-limiting beliefs is to divide our situation into easily manageable steps. Sometimes we castrophize our situation or blow it out of proportion and overwhelm ourselves by what we are saying to ourselves.

Option Four: Resolve Past Issues
At times we are stuck in our self-limiting beliefs because we are unresolved about some past experience. We may need to get resolved either with ourselves or with others in order to change our beliefs.

What we believe about ourselves and what we need can either help us succeed or lead to failure. If we believe we deserve what we need, we will be empowered by the belief.

I think for so many years I didn’t believe I deserved to be anything other than fat. I assumed that because I had tried to lose weight before and failed – that was going to happen again – so why even try? That belief became my script for life in so many things other than my weight.

And because I believed that I did not deserve that – neither did anyone else. Why should they?

But if I “check out the data” and look at the numbers and the pictures – I’m doing it – I’m living the life I never thought I could have. If I get input from others – they see what sometimes I can’t see in myself. If I take it a step at a time and make it manageable steps – I can deal with it. If I resolve some of my unresolved past issues I can change what I believe I can do and therefore what I am capable of in the future.

I am a work in progress. My brain has not caught up with what I see in the mirror – but I’m working at it. It took me years to get to where I was 120 pounds ago. It may take some time to un-do that. But I owe it to myself and to those around me to stop my self-limiting beliefs so that I can empower not only myself but my children, my family, my friends – much the same way they have done for me over the past few years.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Who is that?

A few years ago my girls were featured in a local news spot called "Pint Size Sports" for their involvement in the local recreational tee ball team.  It was lots of fun and I hadn't thought about the spot for a while.  I was recently talking to a friend about his children's involvement in the same tee ball league and thought I would show him the video.

I forgot that I was in that video.  After I appeared my friend said "Who was that?"  Well, it was me.  "It sounded like you, but that wasn't you."  What do you mean?  That was me.  He rewinded it and looked at it again ... looked at me ... looked at the video again.  He was like "No."

Here's the thing - I know I look different now, but that is still how I see myself.  When I do look in the mirror - at first I'm almost taken back.  I may catch a glimpse of myself  in a window as I'm walking by and for a moment I actually think it is someone else - maybe someone walking beside me?  When is my mind going to catch up with what is in the mirror?

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Summer Reflection

This summer took a lot more out of me than I was willing to admit.  Between finding the kidney tumor and having my kidney removed to the pancreatitis and finding the culprit for that and getting it fixed.  I am known for being the Queen of Denial.  It's such a pretty place and I love to live there.  But I have had a really hard time bouncing back from all of this.  I have had a lot of post-surgical pain and I have been quite simply exhausted.  I feel like I was physically, emotionally, spiritually drained.  I was feeling beat up - like every time I turned around something else was going wrong.  I know everyone feels like that from time to time, but seriously this was ridiculous.  And to be honest - a part of me feels like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to fall even now.

Then there was the stress fracture in my foot which also had me laid up for a while.  I have been given the go ahead to start putting more pressure on that foot and to start exercising.  I was very anxious to get back to running, but was warned to start slow and to ease back into it.  Not only because of my foot, but because of the surgeries, etc...  So I started walking this weekend, and as I listened to my body I had to regretfully admit - I am so not ready to run yet.  So I guess I will have to be content to walk some more and do some more cardio to work on my endurance, etc...  I am still determined to do a half marathon.  I will not let my body sideline me for long.

To add to all this wondrous-ness (yes - my own made up word), my husband hit a deer (or a deer hit him - at this point it doesn't really matter) with my car and the insurance company decided to total the car.  So now in the midst of all this we need to find a car.  Normally this would be fun for me.  Who doesn't want a new car?  I don't want a new car right now - I just don't have it in me to make this decision right now. 

I promise to be better about my blogging. I know, I know.  You've heard that all before.  :)  But I swear!  I promise to do better.