Monday, March 29, 2010


I have the best friends - ones who look out for me and don't let me retreat into my cave alone.  I had to share something that a friend sent me recently that really touched me when I needed it most.

Okay - so I read your blog apologies :-) I truly hope that your funk is from busy life and not because you are finding your self-worth in your new appearance and physical abilities. I loved you - and anyone worth their chop did - long before your surgery. You have been beautiful as long as I've known you and it's never been about weight or outward appearance. If you aren't losing now I hope it's not getting you too down....that's not what we value in you. And that's now what I think of when I think your value and skills and that which is worth emulating about you...

When the good Lord made you He made you with the spirit you have. That spirit was never confined by the temporal body.

Funk be gone! :)

Which reminded me of a song that I have been really moved by lately.  It's a few years old, but it's message is timeless (as all good songs are). 

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Running Update

OK - so I got a little side tracked on my running plans when I had emergency surgery earlier in February for an internal hernia.  But I am back to a more regular schedule of running and I am up to 6 miles on my long runs on the weekend. 

So I went ahead and signed up for th 10K in April that I had originally planned on running.  It is the Cary Road Race and it will be held on Saturday, April 10.

I also signed up for the Spring Saunter in Durham on April 18.  This race has a 10K and a 5K.  Since I will have just done a 10K the week before, and a lot of friends are running the 5K - I will be doing just the 5K on that day.

Did I just say "just a 5K"?  Seriously? That is like an out of body experience.

I also signed up to run at the Mission Outreach Benefit 5K on May 1.  This race is being held at my kids school and they are really excited to see me run that race.  They also have a fun run and the kids are "training" with me to run in that.  It's been fun to work on that with them.

I have one more race that I would like to sign up for and I keep chickening out.  The Inside Out Classic Half Marathon on May 16.  If I up my long runs every weekend by one mile starting next week (while keeping my runs during the week up to 45 minutes to an hour) I think I could be ready for it.  It would be nice to get one in before I do the Myrtle Beach mini-marathon in October.  There are very few races in this area during the summer because it's so hot - so I would take the summer off from racing and just concentrate on getting my running in and my endurance up.

So that is my running update.  I know you're all so excited.

Bad Bad Pam

I know. I know. I know.  I am a very bad blogger.  I have every excuse in the world - but I won't get into it.  Just know I'm swamped and overwhelmed and frustrated.

Most of all, I am frustrated that I am in this interminable stall.  Either that or I'm done losing.  I hope not as I would really like to loose another 20-30 pounds.  Even though I am running about 25-30 miles a week on average - I play with the same stupid 3 pounds every week.  I have been tracking my food on and I stay under 1200 calories a day pretty faithfully. 

I know there are some of you reading this who have yet to start your WLS journey - or who have just started it and are thinking "Shut up!  You lost 110 pounds!  If I only had 30 pounds to loose I would not be complaining!"  Yeah - I remember thinking that, too.  Before.  Lots of things were different before.  And now I have tasted just a glimpse of success.  I'm so close!

And then there are others of you reading this who are WLS pro's - graduates if you will - nodding your head in agreement.  Yup - here's where the rubber meets the road, Pam.  You are leaving the golden window - how will you now live?  How will you manage your new life? 

At 15 months out from surgery things are returning to "normal".  I can eat more - some days I am amazed at how much I can eat.  And other days Kanga reminds me who is in charge of how much I can eat - and it's not me!  I have never been a predictable dumper.  And so I notice that I dump less often.  But when I do dump - I almost relish in it - YES!  This is still working!  As far as what I can eat - I can eat a lot more variety than I could before.  But I still can't eat bread - that gets me every time.  Rice and pasta are no-no's too. 

And so the reality that this surgery is not a golden bullet is here.  It is a tool.  It's up to me how I use it.  Do I make the changes in my life to make sure that the tool is used correctly?  Or do I abuse it and then realize (probably too late) that I screwed up yet again?  To be honest - it's messing with my head.  But I am determined to do what needs to be done to sharpen this tool to get the longest and best use out of it.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Up and Running

So after a couple of small hiccups, I finally have my own domain up and running!  This is now officially!  WOO HOO!  I have my own domain!  That's pretty freakin' cool!