Bad Bad Pam

I know. I know. I know.  I am a very bad blogger.  I have every excuse in the world - but I won't get into it.  Just know I'm swamped and overwhelmed and frustrated.

Most of all, I am frustrated that I am in this interminable stall.  Either that or I'm done losing.  I hope not as I would really like to loose another 20-30 pounds.  Even though I am running about 25-30 miles a week on average - I play with the same stupid 3 pounds every week.  I have been tracking my food on Livestrong.com and I stay under 1200 calories a day pretty faithfully. 

I know there are some of you reading this who have yet to start your WLS journey - or who have just started it and are thinking "Shut up!  You lost 110 pounds!  If I only had 30 pounds to loose I would not be complaining!"  Yeah - I remember thinking that, too.  Before.  Lots of things were different before.  And now I have tasted just a glimpse of success.  I'm so close!

And then there are others of you reading this who are WLS pro's - graduates if you will - nodding your head in agreement.  Yup - here's where the rubber meets the road, Pam.  You are leaving the golden window - how will you now live?  How will you manage your new life? 

At 15 months out from surgery things are returning to "normal".  I can eat more - some days I am amazed at how much I can eat.  And other days Kanga reminds me who is in charge of how much I can eat - and it's not me!  I have never been a predictable dumper.  And so I notice that I dump less often.  But when I do dump - I almost relish in it - YES!  This is still working!  As far as what I can eat - I can eat a lot more variety than I could before.  But I still can't eat bread - that gets me every time.  Rice and pasta are no-no's too. 

And so the reality that this surgery is not a golden bullet is here.  It is a tool.  It's up to me how I use it.  Do I make the changes in my life to make sure that the tool is used correctly?  Or do I abuse it and then realize (probably too late) that I screwed up yet again?  To be honest - it's messing with my head.  But I am determined to do what needs to be done to sharpen this tool to get the longest and best use out of it.