- The Torch Run. This 5K race is at NC State University on February 20 and is a run to benefit the local Special Olympics. In an effort to raise money for this race I will be placing the challenge out to all who would like to sponsor me that if I can raise $100 in donations I will not only run the 5K, but I will also participate in the Polar Plunge that takes place after the race. Yeah - I'm that insane.
- Next I would like to do a 10K. There is one on March 6 and one on April 10. I may do both? I will definitely do one or the other. The one on March 6 is the Cary Distance Festival. The one on April 10 is the 2010 Cary Road Race. It might be nice to see how my time improves at this distance. I am already up to 6 miles on my long runs on the weekend - so I think the March race is definitely do-able.
- The InsideOut Sports Classic Half Marathon is on May 16. This would be a good one for me to get my feet wet and know what I need to work on over the summer before I do the Myrtle Beach Half Marathon.
- And then to commemorate my first run last year, Jen and I will definitely be doing the Skirt Chaser if they offer it in Raleigh again (currently there are no dates for 2010 in Raleigh - but I'm pretty sure they will do it again - they had a fantastic turnout last year). This course was actually pretty tough and the party afterwards I missed last year, but won't be missing this year. :)
Monday, January 18, 2010
2010 Race Plans
I am trying to make goals for my running for this year. I have already stated that one of my goals for this year is to do a half marathon. I am actually looking at coordhinating a small group of people to get together to do the Myrtle Beach Mini Marathon in October, but I want to have a good plan of what I will do before that. So here is what I have come up with so far.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
For Rebecca
So as many of you know - I am totally addicted to Facebook. It's sad, really. But recently, my friend Rebecca made the following status update: " 'When God closes a door, he opens a window' may give us a warm fuzzy, but that's not scripture. Sometimes, when a door has been closed that you KNOW that you KNOW that you KNOW you are to walk through, maybe it's time to kick that door down, get help with a battering ram, or whatever it takes to get in the door. Why do we think everything should be so simple as to just turn the handle and walk in?" and it really got me to thinking.
Have you ever had a time in your life where all the circumstances surrounding you were telling you "NO", but a still small voice was telling you - begging you - to take a step, or possibly a leap of Faith? I have had several. And as I look back on those times I can see God forming me into His daughter - teaching me to obey - teaching me to put my Faith and Trust in Him no matter what. (And can I just say I hate that lesson - hate it! And yet I work feverishly to teach the same one to my own children.)
A specific instance for this lesson surrounds my BAHA. I have talked about my BAHA before on this blog. It is the "screw" in my head that allows me to attach my Bone Anchored Hearing Aid and hear like never before. Since I have already talked about how I got to the point of making the decision to have the BAHA surgery - I won't go into that, but what I haven't talked about is what happened once I decided to have the surgery.
I went forward with scheduling the surgery with my surgeon for a time when the company that I worked for at the time would be closed over the holidays so that I would miss minimal work. 2 weeks before my scheduled surgery I was notified by my insurance that they would not be covering the surgery.
Um - what? Well, how do I change that?
Ask them to reconsider.
OK - please reconsider.
Nope - we won't cover that.
Um, who reconsidered?
The same guy who considered it the first time.
Really? Then why did I bother asking you to reconsider? Now what?
You can appeal the decision and someone will call your doctor and discuss it with him personally.
OK - I appeal it - please call my doctor.
My doctor called me back 2 days later and said "This is not going to work in your favor. The guy who called me was the guy who has already denied you and he had no interest in what I had to say at all." Come on! Why am I appealing this if the same guy is reviewing it over and over again? I tried to talk to this man myself - he was downright rude to me.
Ok, sir - please explain to me why this is being denied? I need the exact reason.
Because this is a hearing aid and your plan excludes it.
Really? OK - let me look into that.
So I did my research and low and behold - an exclusion in my insurance. I was devastated. I had finally found something that would help me hear again and now I was being told I couldn't have it. I was ready to give in - my husband was ready to give in - all signs pointed to NO. But something gnawed at my insides. So I began to research this exclusion. In my research I found this law - a Massachusetts law - that said that insurance companies had to cover implantable hearing devices that were deemed medically necessary. The law was obviously written for cochlear implants. The BAHA is not a cochlear implant - but it is an implantable hearing device because the "screw" part of the device is implanted in the skull. Cool! One problem - I am in North Carolina and this was a Massachusetts law. No such law existed in North Carolina.
I thought I was at a dead end again - another closed door. Except that ... the company I worked for was headquartered in Massachusetts. :) They administered their health insurance plans for the entire company out of their headquarters. So even though the insurance company was headquartered in Pennsylvania - the Massachusetts law still applied! One small problem - the moron who was determined that this was in fact a hearing aid and would still not be covered.
So I went back to my doctor and talked to him about the issue - told him about the research I had done. He agreed to write a letter to insurance for me, and helped me to get in touch with the company that actually manufactures the BAHA. They also wrote a letter explaining that the BAHA was not a hearing aid, but indeed an implantable hearing device. Meanwhile I contacted the insurance company and asked them what my options were. How do I get this reviewed by someone else. I only had one more option open to me - a formal outside review. I could request this. I only got one chance, but I could request this outside review and submit a formal appeal. My appeal and information would be reviewed by an outside consultant and they would determine if I could get this covered.
Just one problem. We were now 4 days before surgery and this would take at least 2 more weeks - possibly even longer because we were approaching the Christmas holidays. I really needed to have the surgery over Christmas to minimize my time out of work. I was a contractor and I didn't have a lot of sick or vacation time. I had also been reprimanded for taking a lot of sick time up to that point (due to the problems with my ear as well as an interminable sinus infection that I was also going to have taken care of during that surgery). If I waited I felt I could literally loose my job. If I went ahead with the surgery I could end up stuck with the bill - which had been estimated at $25,000. Neither prospect was very appealing as you can understand.
So what do I do? Do I go ahead with the surgery and risk ending up with an incredible debt of $25,000, or do I postpone the surgery to ensure I get it covered and risk losing my job in order to take the time to recover. Here's where the rubber meets the road. How important is this to me? Is this really something God wants for me? Do I pay attention to all the circumstances around me? They all seem to be screaming NO - or at least NOT YET. But every day there was another example of how not being able to hear well - especially not being able to hear my own children was becoming more and more and more of a problem. Not just an annoyance - a problem.
And so I prayed. God - what would you have me do? And like He was sitting right next to me I heard "Hear me. Be Still and know that I am God. Listen to me. I want what is best for you. I have a good and perfect plan for you, Pam." One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to hurt you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." And a lot of people know this verse. But as I looked the verse up in my Bible - I was struck by the next three verses: "Then you will call up on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity."
And yet I still sat there going "Really God? Seriously - what do you want me to do?" And at that moment a song came on the radio. These were the lyrics of that song "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns:
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!
"You'll never win"
But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Was it just coincidence? All of the instances where I was being told to "listen" or to "hear"? HHHHHMMMMM.
So after much prayer, much discussion, much consideration, Daren and I decided to listen and believe the voice of truth. God wanted me to hear again - we knew this for sure. And despite all the signs to the contrary - we knew He could do great things.
So we submitted the appeal and went ahead with surgery. That morning as I signed the papers at the hospital saying that I would take complete responsibility for the bill should my appeal not go through I was literally shaking as I signed my name.
As I was wheeled into the OR and the nurses and technicians went to work getting me ready for surgery we had some friendly banter going on. I was so excited about the possibilities this surgery meant for me, and yet it was severely tempered by the fact that I may have to pay for it for years to come. As my surgeon came in the room one of the nurses asked him if he wanted some music. He said - yes - please put this in and handed her a CD. The song that started playing -was Voice of Truth. I couldn't help but cry. And as I drifted into the sweet oblivion of anesthesia I heard these words "I will soar on the wings of eagles as I listen to the sound of Jesus singing over me".
Surgery went well and recovery went well. About a week after surgery - just 2 days before I was to return to work after the holiday break I got a phone call from my insurance company. The appeal had been reviewed by the outside consultant who had decided that the surgery indeed must be paid for - in full.
Having the BAHA has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. But going after it was one of the scariest things I have ever done.
You are right, Rebecca. "When God closes a door he opens a window" is not Scriptural. Sometimes He is insisting that you take that leap of faith - that you grab that battering ram and break down the door. He never promised us that this life would be easy - He only promised us that He would be here with us all the way. That isn't to say that He does not use circumstances to confirm His will for us, or to point us in the right direction. But sometimes He allows the circumstances to contradict what we know He wants for us because He knows we are capable of getting past those circumstances to His good and perfect will for our lives.
Have you ever had a time in your life where all the circumstances surrounding you were telling you "NO", but a still small voice was telling you - begging you - to take a step, or possibly a leap of Faith? I have had several. And as I look back on those times I can see God forming me into His daughter - teaching me to obey - teaching me to put my Faith and Trust in Him no matter what. (And can I just say I hate that lesson - hate it! And yet I work feverishly to teach the same one to my own children.)
A specific instance for this lesson surrounds my BAHA. I have talked about my BAHA before on this blog. It is the "screw" in my head that allows me to attach my Bone Anchored Hearing Aid and hear like never before. Since I have already talked about how I got to the point of making the decision to have the BAHA surgery - I won't go into that, but what I haven't talked about is what happened once I decided to have the surgery.
I went forward with scheduling the surgery with my surgeon for a time when the company that I worked for at the time would be closed over the holidays so that I would miss minimal work. 2 weeks before my scheduled surgery I was notified by my insurance that they would not be covering the surgery.
Um - what? Well, how do I change that?
Ask them to reconsider.
OK - please reconsider.
Nope - we won't cover that.
Um, who reconsidered?
The same guy who considered it the first time.
Really? Then why did I bother asking you to reconsider? Now what?
You can appeal the decision and someone will call your doctor and discuss it with him personally.
OK - I appeal it - please call my doctor.
My doctor called me back 2 days later and said "This is not going to work in your favor. The guy who called me was the guy who has already denied you and he had no interest in what I had to say at all." Come on! Why am I appealing this if the same guy is reviewing it over and over again? I tried to talk to this man myself - he was downright rude to me.
Ok, sir - please explain to me why this is being denied? I need the exact reason.
Because this is a hearing aid and your plan excludes it.
Really? OK - let me look into that.
So I did my research and low and behold - an exclusion in my insurance. I was devastated. I had finally found something that would help me hear again and now I was being told I couldn't have it. I was ready to give in - my husband was ready to give in - all signs pointed to NO. But something gnawed at my insides. So I began to research this exclusion. In my research I found this law - a Massachusetts law - that said that insurance companies had to cover implantable hearing devices that were deemed medically necessary. The law was obviously written for cochlear implants. The BAHA is not a cochlear implant - but it is an implantable hearing device because the "screw" part of the device is implanted in the skull. Cool! One problem - I am in North Carolina and this was a Massachusetts law. No such law existed in North Carolina.
I thought I was at a dead end again - another closed door. Except that ... the company I worked for was headquartered in Massachusetts. :) They administered their health insurance plans for the entire company out of their headquarters. So even though the insurance company was headquartered in Pennsylvania - the Massachusetts law still applied! One small problem - the moron who was determined that this was in fact a hearing aid and would still not be covered.
So I went back to my doctor and talked to him about the issue - told him about the research I had done. He agreed to write a letter to insurance for me, and helped me to get in touch with the company that actually manufactures the BAHA. They also wrote a letter explaining that the BAHA was not a hearing aid, but indeed an implantable hearing device. Meanwhile I contacted the insurance company and asked them what my options were. How do I get this reviewed by someone else. I only had one more option open to me - a formal outside review. I could request this. I only got one chance, but I could request this outside review and submit a formal appeal. My appeal and information would be reviewed by an outside consultant and they would determine if I could get this covered.
Just one problem. We were now 4 days before surgery and this would take at least 2 more weeks - possibly even longer because we were approaching the Christmas holidays. I really needed to have the surgery over Christmas to minimize my time out of work. I was a contractor and I didn't have a lot of sick or vacation time. I had also been reprimanded for taking a lot of sick time up to that point (due to the problems with my ear as well as an interminable sinus infection that I was also going to have taken care of during that surgery). If I waited I felt I could literally loose my job. If I went ahead with the surgery I could end up stuck with the bill - which had been estimated at $25,000. Neither prospect was very appealing as you can understand.
So what do I do? Do I go ahead with the surgery and risk ending up with an incredible debt of $25,000, or do I postpone the surgery to ensure I get it covered and risk losing my job in order to take the time to recover. Here's where the rubber meets the road. How important is this to me? Is this really something God wants for me? Do I pay attention to all the circumstances around me? They all seem to be screaming NO - or at least NOT YET. But every day there was another example of how not being able to hear well - especially not being able to hear my own children was becoming more and more and more of a problem. Not just an annoyance - a problem.
And so I prayed. God - what would you have me do? And like He was sitting right next to me I heard "Hear me. Be Still and know that I am God. Listen to me. I want what is best for you. I have a good and perfect plan for you, Pam." One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to hurt you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." And a lot of people know this verse. But as I looked the verse up in my Bible - I was struck by the next three verses: "Then you will call up on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity."
And yet I still sat there going "Really God? Seriously - what do you want me to do?" And at that moment a song came on the radio. These were the lyrics of that song "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns:
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!
"You'll never win"
But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Was it just coincidence? All of the instances where I was being told to "listen" or to "hear"? HHHHHMMMMM.
So after much prayer, much discussion, much consideration, Daren and I decided to listen and believe the voice of truth. God wanted me to hear again - we knew this for sure. And despite all the signs to the contrary - we knew He could do great things.
So we submitted the appeal and went ahead with surgery. That morning as I signed the papers at the hospital saying that I would take complete responsibility for the bill should my appeal not go through I was literally shaking as I signed my name.
As I was wheeled into the OR and the nurses and technicians went to work getting me ready for surgery we had some friendly banter going on. I was so excited about the possibilities this surgery meant for me, and yet it was severely tempered by the fact that I may have to pay for it for years to come. As my surgeon came in the room one of the nurses asked him if he wanted some music. He said - yes - please put this in and handed her a CD. The song that started playing -was Voice of Truth. I couldn't help but cry. And as I drifted into the sweet oblivion of anesthesia I heard these words "I will soar on the wings of eagles as I listen to the sound of Jesus singing over me".
Surgery went well and recovery went well. About a week after surgery - just 2 days before I was to return to work after the holiday break I got a phone call from my insurance company. The appeal had been reviewed by the outside consultant who had decided that the surgery indeed must be paid for - in full.
Having the BAHA has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. But going after it was one of the scariest things I have ever done.
You are right, Rebecca. "When God closes a door he opens a window" is not Scriptural. Sometimes He is insisting that you take that leap of faith - that you grab that battering ram and break down the door. He never promised us that this life would be easy - He only promised us that He would be here with us all the way. That isn't to say that He does not use circumstances to confirm His will for us, or to point us in the right direction. But sometimes He allows the circumstances to contradict what we know He wants for us because He knows we are capable of getting past those circumstances to His good and perfect will for our lives.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Just because it's my blog and I can!
OK - it's my blog and if I want to be narcissistic I can.
I post a lot of pictures of myself. I do that because it's the pictures that help me see the changes in me that I often times can't feel (physicall or mentally). To be honest - in my mind I still see the fat chic who broke the chair last Christmas. I know I shouldn't - I know in my head I have come a long way, but I was that chic for so long that it's hard to let her go.
With that being said - my husband made me so happy today. He was loving the dress and boots I had on. Someone at church grabbed me and said "I just have to tell you how fantastic you look." I get that from time to time and it still makes me uncomfortable. But Daren grabbed me from behind and pulled my coat off and said "I KNOW! Doesn't she look fabulous?" like he was showing me off. Now, again - I know (in my head) that he loves me and tha the is proud of the changes in me - but to have him do it in such a public way - show how he is proud of me - it totally took me off guard! I was so not prepared for that! My friend jumped up and down and went "That is so great! You should show her off! I love it!" and it was like the whole thing was happening in slow motion in front of me - totally surreal. Utterly unbelievable!
So here is what I was wearing today. :)
I post a lot of pictures of myself. I do that because it's the pictures that help me see the changes in me that I often times can't feel (physicall or mentally). To be honest - in my mind I still see the fat chic who broke the chair last Christmas. I know I shouldn't - I know in my head I have come a long way, but I was that chic for so long that it's hard to let her go.
With that being said - my husband made me so happy today. He was loving the dress and boots I had on. Someone at church grabbed me and said "I just have to tell you how fantastic you look." I get that from time to time and it still makes me uncomfortable. But Daren grabbed me from behind and pulled my coat off and said "I KNOW! Doesn't she look fabulous?" like he was showing me off. Now, again - I know (in my head) that he loves me and tha the is proud of the changes in me - but to have him do it in such a public way - show how he is proud of me - it totally took me off guard! I was so not prepared for that! My friend jumped up and down and went "That is so great! You should show her off! I love it!" and it was like the whole thing was happening in slow motion in front of me - totally surreal. Utterly unbelievable!
So here is what I was wearing today. :)
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Letting Go
I hijacked this post from my fellow blogger, Kellie (check out her blog here! She's an incredible photographer and an even more incredible second grade teacher!). I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
God's accuracy may be observed in the hatching of eggs.
For example :
-the eggs of the potato bug hatch in 7 days;
-those of the canary in 14 days;
-those of the barnyard hen in 21 days ;
-The eggs of ducks and geese hatch in 28 days;
-those of the mallard in 35 days ;
-The eggs of the parrot and the ostrich hatch in 42 days. (Notice, they are all divisible by seven , the number of days in a
week!)
The lives of each of you may be ordered by the Lord in a beautiful way for His glory, if you will only entrust Him with your life. If you try to regulate your own life, it will only be a mess and a failure. Only
the One who made the brain and the heart can successfully guide them to a profitable end.
God's wisdom is seen in the making of an elephant.. The four legs of this great beast all bend forward in the same direction. No other quadruped is so made. God planned that this animal would have a huge
body, too large to live on two legs. For this reason He gave it four fulcrums so that it can rise from the ground easily.
The horse rises from the ground on its two front legs first.
A cow rises from the ground with its two hind legs first.
How wise the Lord is in all His works of creation!
God's wisdom is revealed in His arrangement of sections and segments, as well as in the number of grains.
-Each watermelon has an even number of strips on the rind.
-Each orange has an even number of segments.
-Each ear of corn has an even number of rows.
-Each stalk of wheat has an even number of grains.
-Every bunch of bananas has on its lowest row an even number of bananas, and each row decreases by one, so that one row has an even number and the next row an odd number.
-The waves of the sea roll in on shore twenty-six to the minute in all kinds of weather.
All grains are found in even numbers on the stalks, and the Lord specified thirty fold, sixty fold, and a hundredfold - all even numbers.
God has caused the flowers to blossom at certain specified times during the day, so that Linnaeus, the great botanist, once said that if he had a conservatory containing the right kind of soil, moisture and
temperature, he could tell the time of day or night by the flowers that were open and those that were closed!
Thus the Lord in His wonderful grace can arrange the life that is entrusted to His care in such a way that it will carry out His purposes and plans, and will be fragrant with His presence. Only the God-planned safe life is successful. Only the life given over to the care of the Lord is fulfilled.
When God takes something from your grasp, He's merely opening your hands to receive something better.
What a visual for me! I was holding on so tightly to my food - to what I felt was control over what I was eating. And when I finally let go - He had so much more for me - I had no idea how much. What do you need to let go of so that you can discover what God has in store for you?
What An Awesome God!
For example :
-the eggs of the potato bug hatch in 7 days;
-those of the canary in 14 days;
-those of the barnyard hen in 21 days ;
-The eggs of ducks and geese hatch in 28 days;
-those of the mallard in 35 days ;
-The eggs of the parrot and the ostrich hatch in 42 days. (Notice, they are all divisible by seven , the number of days in a
week!)
The lives of each of you may be ordered by the Lord in a beautiful way for His glory, if you will only entrust Him with your life. If you try to regulate your own life, it will only be a mess and a failure. Only
the One who made the brain and the heart can successfully guide them to a profitable end.
God's wisdom is seen in the making of an elephant.. The four legs of this great beast all bend forward in the same direction. No other quadruped is so made. God planned that this animal would have a huge
body, too large to live on two legs. For this reason He gave it four fulcrums so that it can rise from the ground easily.
The horse rises from the ground on its two front legs first.
A cow rises from the ground with its two hind legs first.
How wise the Lord is in all His works of creation!
God's wisdom is revealed in His arrangement of sections and segments, as well as in the number of grains.
-Each watermelon has an even number of strips on the rind.
-Each orange has an even number of segments.
-Each ear of corn has an even number of rows.
-Each stalk of wheat has an even number of grains.
-Every bunch of bananas has on its lowest row an even number of bananas, and each row decreases by one, so that one row has an even number and the next row an odd number.
-The waves of the sea roll in on shore twenty-six to the minute in all kinds of weather.
All grains are found in even numbers on the stalks, and the Lord specified thirty fold, sixty fold, and a hundredfold - all even numbers.
God has caused the flowers to blossom at certain specified times during the day, so that Linnaeus, the great botanist, once said that if he had a conservatory containing the right kind of soil, moisture and
temperature, he could tell the time of day or night by the flowers that were open and those that were closed!
Thus the Lord in His wonderful grace can arrange the life that is entrusted to His care in such a way that it will carry out His purposes and plans, and will be fragrant with His presence. Only the God-planned safe life is successful. Only the life given over to the care of the Lord is fulfilled.
When God takes something from your grasp, He's merely opening your hands to receive something better.
What a visual for me! I was holding on so tightly to my food - to what I felt was control over what I was eating. And when I finally let go - He had so much more for me - I had no idea how much. What do you need to let go of so that you can discover what God has in store for you?
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Year's Resolutions
I've never been one of those to make New Year's Resolutions, but after having such a great 2009 and meeting so many of my goals - I've decided to make a go of it. So here are a few:
- I really want to run that half marathon. This year. I will do it.
- I want to get to my goal weight. I fear that I will bounce back to about where I am - that my body just isn't very comfortable any lower than this, but I would like to at least get there.
- But most of all - I don't want to go back. That scares me.
Size 10!
OK - I thought it was a fluke when it happened back at Thanksgiving. I tried on a size 10 pants that my sister had. They fit! Not great - but they fit. Kind of unbelievable. Then I bought a size 10 jeans without trying them on. I thought that if they didn't fit they would be good for a goal to get in to them. But I got them home - and they fit! Unbelievable! I don't remember being a size 10 - like ever. I maybe was a size 12 in high school - but not a 10. I remember being a 14 for the longest time. So I had to share. 10 people! 10!!!!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
One year ago today ...
One year ago today I was off to see the wizard! I can't believe that it has been a whole year since I had my gastric bypass surgery. 2009 has been one wild year for me. I have discovered more about myself, my faith, my marriage, my family in this past year than I ever imagined possible. The most important nugget of truth I have received out of all of it this year has been "I can do it!" I believed a lie about myself for so long - I wasted so many years thinking that my dreams were unattainable. But I am here on the other side of a long journey (that isn't really even over - I feel it may have just begun!) to tell you that if I can do these hard things - you can too.
- I want my feet to stop hurting - check!
- I want to be able to walk more than a mile without stopping because of my back - check - I run 3-5 miles regularly now.
- I want to stop wearing my CPAP machine at night - I bid this farewell early on. Hope you're enjoying it, Tim!
- I want my knees to stop hurting - not nearly as bad or as often as it was before.
- I want to be able to cross my legs comfortably - I almost always sit with my legs crossed now.
- I want to be able to run around with my kids - I beat their butts on Wii Fit today. :)
- I want to feel like I don't have to avoid mirrors - I don't avoid them but I still don't love them. :)
- I want to be able to fit comfortably in a roller coaster when we go on vacation this summer - that was fun!
- I want to be able to fit comfortably in an airplane seat - don't have to sit with my arms folded across me the whole flight to keep from feeling like I'm in other people's personal space.
- I want my blood pressure to go back to normal - check!
- I want to be able to go to the doctor and not have my blood pressure go up just at the thought of having to get on the scale - check.
- I want to shop in a "normal" store for clothing - check.
- I don't want my kids to be embarassed by their fat mom - having them cheer me on when I run is the ultimate experience for me.
- I want to see my collar bone. Isn't that strange? I can feel it now, but I don't feel like it is quite visible. - check!
- Along those same lines - I would really like to see my hip bones. That might be a long time in coming simply because of all the extra skin I have in that area. That may have to wait for the tummy tuck. - Yeah - so not happening till I get rid of some of this extra skin.
- I want to be able to buy cute bras and panties. HEHEHEHE. Yeah - big girl panties and bras have been what I have always gotten - but I'm now in a size that I can buy those cute little sets! I haven't done it yet because the sizes have been changing so fast, but I'm feeling more comfortable with this now. - check!
- I want to no longer see myself as the fattest person in the room. Even though I have lost so much weight, I still see myself as "the fat girl". - still working on this, but getting a lot better.
- I want to get the the "century" mark in my weight loss. I actually want to loose 130 pounds total - but this is a good progress mark for me. - check! 110 pounds (sneaking up on 115 now) down!
- I am now adding some distance goals for my running. I want to run a 10K this fall, and hopefully a half marathon in the winter. I can't believe I just said that. - this got derailed a bit with my surgery this fall, but I'm anxious to still meet these goals in 2010.
Measurement - Pre-op - 3 Months - 6 Months - 1 Year
Full Bust 50 - 44 - 40 - 39Rib Cage 46 - 39 - 35 - 35
Waist 46 - 39 - 37 - 36
Hips 56 - 50 - 45 - 42
Thighs 30 - 26 - 24 - 23
Arms 15 - 14 - 13 - 12.5
Total 243 - 212 - 194 - 187.5
And finally - here is proof in pictures.
And so I can proudly say that I have met my goals. I have lost 85% of my excess weight in a year. I have faced many of my personal demons surrounding food and why I eat it when I shouldn't or don't need to. I have made exercise a regular part of my life. I have started running! I got my PMP! All of this in just the last year. Who knew I could do all of this in one year? What a wild ride it has been. I look forward to what is ahead in 2010.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
2009 in Pamelot
I had a lot of fun making this little video on slide.com. I think these pictures speak volumes about what I have experienced in this past year. It's been one wild ride. Would love to hear what you think of it!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Thanksgiving and WOW Moments
I know, I know, I know - I have been neglecting Pamelot yet again. I apologize profusely.
I had a great Thanksgiving. I was able to go visit my sister and have Thanksgiving with her as well as go to a surprise birthday party for my grandmother. She is an amazing woman. She is 90 years old and still lives alone in her own house. It was great fun to see cousins I don't get to see very often.
So I've been thinking about some things that I am thankful for and I wanted to get them down.
I am thankful for:
I had a great Thanksgiving. I was able to go visit my sister and have Thanksgiving with her as well as go to a surprise birthday party for my grandmother. She is an amazing woman. She is 90 years old and still lives alone in her own house. It was great fun to see cousins I don't get to see very often.
So I've been thinking about some things that I am thankful for and I wanted to get them down.
I am thankful for:
- my family
- healthy children
- healthy parents
- my marriage
- my job
- my health
- my friends
- I have never, ever, in all my life, shared clothes with my sister. She's always been much smaller than me - even as adults - we're just built completely different. But when I got down to my sisters I tried on some of her clothes!! And they fit!!!! I even managed to fit in a size 10!!!!!! You just have no idea how great that felt.
- I love hanging with my sister. LOVE IT! We went out on the town one night and something happened to me that HAS NEVER happened to me before. I got hit on. HA! I have been with my husband since I was 15. Those there waters have never been chartered before. I didn't know what to do with myself. Thanks to my brother-in-law for keeping the wolves at bay for a while. :)
- I have been wanting to commemorate 100 pounds down and I did while with my sister - I got a new tat. No - I can't show you where. HAHAHAHAHAHA! I'll just say it's not somewhere that would be affected by any future plastics - which I hope to get at some point. Have I mentioned how much I hate all this extra skin?
- I also love seeing my cousin, Angie. While together down in the Keys for my grandmother's party we went running together. I don't know if she will ever know how much that little moment in time meant to me.
- While down in the Keys for my grandmother's party we all stayed in a fantastic vacation home - a ton of us. In the past this would have filled me with dread - the thought of being in such close quarters with others while I was sleeping - because I snored. I didn't just snore - I really really snored - wake the dead with the sound snored. But I didn't have to worry about that. I shared a big room with a lot of other people and no one heard a peep out of me. Normally I would have had to lug my CPAP machine with me, make sure I was sleeping next to a power outlet, get it all set up, and wear it at night to ensure that I didn't snore. NO MORE!
- When I got home from our trip I had an appointment for a stress test. Doesn't sound like much opportunity for excitement, but I passed with flying colors. The most impressive thing was that my blood pressure was great. My diastolic number stayed around 70 the entire time. My doctor was impressed with how much better I am doing since this time last year. It felt good.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Throwing Away Feels Good
I love throwing things away. Love it. Decluttering feels good down deep in my soul. I'm always amazed at how quickly I accumulate stuff (a.ka. junk).
Recently we have been moving some things around in our house. We had been using our dining room as an office. This was mostly because we had a desktop computer and lots of books and nowhere to put them. We also did not have a nice dining room table - so what's the point? We had a small kitchen table. But now we have inherited my mom's nice dining room table and her matching hutch. The hutch was in the living room as a sofa table (kinda) and the nice table was crammed into our eating area in the kitchen. So upon suggestion from my mom we decided to flip flop everything - take the office apart - put the desk in the kitchen and put the nice table in the dining room. Sounds simple right? Yeah - not so much - we've been at it for over 2 weeks now. We had so much crap in the office - we've had to go through it - decide if it's necessary, needed, wanted, or can just be tossed. I get a little too excited about throwing stuff away. :) Not only have we gone through the office (now the dining room again) but we have gone through a bunch of stuff that was in the kitchen. We had a traditional "junk" drawer - and a bread box that we never used for bread that was full of odds and ends too.
So as we have gone through the junk in the kitchen, Daren came to me with several items that I had traditionally held very tight to. One was my Weight Watchers bag. A little black bag with all my Weight Watchers stuff in it. The plan - the eating out book - a bunch of stuff. I always wanted to hang on to it because I was going to do Weight Watchers ... again ... for real this time ... when my head is ready ... I know I can do it. Daren came to me with it - a big smile on his face. "Do you want this?" I did a little dance while I yelled "NO I DON'T!" I weigh 20 pounds less than I did when I got married - can you tell I'm excited? :)
Then he came to me with something that almost made me cry. It was my blood sugar tester. I had gestational diabetes with both of my pregnancies and several flirtations with Type 2 diabetes since then. I hated that damn thing. Hated pricking my finger - hated watching the number climb higher and higher. I avoided that stupid thing like the plague. But I kept it cause I knew I needed it and I needed to be able to check my blood sugar from time to time. So when he asked me if I wanted to keep it - I chose my reaction - instead of crying - I did a little dance and yelled "NO I DON'T!"
I really do love throwing things away.
Recently we have been moving some things around in our house. We had been using our dining room as an office. This was mostly because we had a desktop computer and lots of books and nowhere to put them. We also did not have a nice dining room table - so what's the point? We had a small kitchen table. But now we have inherited my mom's nice dining room table and her matching hutch. The hutch was in the living room as a sofa table (kinda) and the nice table was crammed into our eating area in the kitchen. So upon suggestion from my mom we decided to flip flop everything - take the office apart - put the desk in the kitchen and put the nice table in the dining room. Sounds simple right? Yeah - not so much - we've been at it for over 2 weeks now. We had so much crap in the office - we've had to go through it - decide if it's necessary, needed, wanted, or can just be tossed. I get a little too excited about throwing stuff away. :) Not only have we gone through the office (now the dining room again) but we have gone through a bunch of stuff that was in the kitchen. We had a traditional "junk" drawer - and a bread box that we never used for bread that was full of odds and ends too.
So as we have gone through the junk in the kitchen, Daren came to me with several items that I had traditionally held very tight to. One was my Weight Watchers bag. A little black bag with all my Weight Watchers stuff in it. The plan - the eating out book - a bunch of stuff. I always wanted to hang on to it because I was going to do Weight Watchers ... again ... for real this time ... when my head is ready ... I know I can do it. Daren came to me with it - a big smile on his face. "Do you want this?" I did a little dance while I yelled "NO I DON'T!" I weigh 20 pounds less than I did when I got married - can you tell I'm excited? :)
Then he came to me with something that almost made me cry. It was my blood sugar tester. I had gestational diabetes with both of my pregnancies and several flirtations with Type 2 diabetes since then. I hated that damn thing. Hated pricking my finger - hated watching the number climb higher and higher. I avoided that stupid thing like the plague. But I kept it cause I knew I needed it and I needed to be able to check my blood sugar from time to time. So when he asked me if I wanted to keep it - I chose my reaction - instead of crying - I did a little dance and yelled "NO I DON'T!"
I really do love throwing things away.
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