A Belt!

Today I am wearing a belt! I know - that doesn't sound like much to you guys - but I don't think I have even OWNED a belt since jr. high - maybe high school? The clothes that I was able to scratch together from my mom no longer fit me. They are all too big already. But I don't have the money to be buying clothes that won't fit me very long. So I'm trying to make do with what I have.


Here are some pics I took. They aren't the best - but they show the belt and just how big these pants are!

Such an interesting problem for me to have. I've always dealt with clothes that don't fit - but always because they were too small! I can remember my freshman year in high school. I had tried out for the cheerleading squad. I didn't make it as a regular, but as a substitute. I would take it. That meant that if anyone was sick or couldn't cheer for some reason - I would cheer in their place. That meant that I had to know what to do in everyone's position so that I could fill in at a moments notice. That also meant that I had to fit into anyone's uniform at any moment. There weren't enough uniforms for me to have my own - and no money to buy my own. So if someone was out - I had to fit into their uniform. Can I just tell you - it scared the bejeezus out of me? There were some teeny tiny girls on that squad! Uniforms in a size 0! Uniforms in a size 2! I mean - I would be lucky if I was in a size 10! You have to be kidding me! So my first opportunity to cheer came up. And don't you know it was one of those skinny beyotch's! :) (If any of you are reading this - you know I am joking!) There was no way I was squeezing into a 2. We ended up switching things around and someone smaller than me squeezed into the 2 and I squeezed into a 7 I think. Still needed a safety pin, etc..., but I was simply horrified by the whole experience. Eventually that year someone had to drop off the squad and I was made a permanent cheerleader. I loved cheerleading - but I was acutely aware that I was always the heaviest on the team. I was always the base on the bottom of the pyramid or the stand. "Go ahead - climb on up! No big deal." And it wasn't. The rest of them were so petite and tiny. You will never hear anyone use those words to describe me! And I have come to accept that. I don't say that as in "Whoa is me - I am such a pig." It's part of who I am and I am OK with that. I have always been the big girl with the big hair and the big personality. Go big or stay home is my motto. Even in weight loss. I either have to go whole hog and have this surgery and loose it all - or why bother? If I can only do something half-assed I don't want to do it. It's how I live, it's how I love, it's how I am.