Keepin' Me Humble

So I am officially down 41 pounds! I am finding it difficult to find clothes to wear that aren't humungous on me. The clothes I do have that fit are capri's and clothes for spring. While the weather here in North Carolina is fabu these days (in the 70's this week!), I don't know how appropriate it is to wear capri's and sandals in February. But I have decided that y'all just have to get over it! If I don't wear these clothes now, I won't be able to wear them at all. And I don't want to spend a lot of money on clothes I will only wear for such a short time. But I may have to just bite the bullet soon and spend some money. You know it's time to go shopping when even your underwear is falling off your heiny. YEE HAW!

So this past weekend's weather was gorgeous after weeks of really cold weather. Sunday the kids wanted to ride their bikes to a friends house. So I said "OK - let's ride our bikes over there." They said "But you are going to walk, right mom?" No - I think I will ride my bike. "You have a bike? You know how to ride a bike?" Um - yeah! I used to pull you guys in the bike trailer - I guess that was so long ago you don't remember. OK - no big deal. So my husband gets my bike out and pumps up the tires for me, etc... The kids and I walk our bikes down to the end of the driveway and we go to get on our bikes. I start riding away and I can hear delightful glee behind me as my kids start yelling "Great job, mom! You can do it! Keep going!" Part of me was being kept humble by my kids who never knew I could ride a bike because I wouldn't dare get my fat ass on one. But another little part of me was jumping up and down inside "Great job, mom! You can do it! Keep going!" Hehehehehehehehehe. Yeah me!

I find that I am at a part in my weight loss where I would normally be quite satisfied with myself and all the weight that I have lost. I find it almost strange that I just keep loosing. I know that sounds so weird - I am having trouble putting words to what I'm feeling and why. Maybe it's because I am getting really close to being a weight and a size that I have not been in a very long time.

I am also struggling with my food addictions and obsessions. I want an ice cold Pepsi in the worst way right now. But that would be like toxic for Kanga at this point so I have not indulged. I was sitting at the circus Friday night with my kids and the person behind me was having a hot dog. Good lord! I could smell it! I wanted that stupid hot dog! I have found myself a few times standing in front of the fridge just staring inside a few times. I finally stopped and asked myself what I was looking for - what do I want out of here. The answer was not food. There was nothing I was really hungry for. I wanted comfort. I wanted to totally stuff my face. I just can't do that. I have even forgotten a couple of times and eaten too fast ... that is an absolutely miserable experience, I have to tell you. I am convinced now more than ever that this is the only way I could have been successful in weight loss, by having this surgery.

I am still struggling with the stricture. I have been taking the steroids and they seemed to be helping for a while, but now I am having trouble again. We will see what this next week brings.