8 More Days

I can't believe there is only 8 more days until my surgery! There are lots of thoughts going through my head - all the things I want to change, goals I already have in my head. Here are a few of them:

• I want my feet to stop hurting


• I want to be able to walk more than a mile without stopping because of my back


• I want to stop wearing my CPAP machine at night


• I want my knees to stop hurting


• I want to be able to cross my legs comfortably


• I want to be able to run around with my kids


• I want to feel like I don't have to avoid mirrors


• I want to be able to fit comfortably in a roller coaster when we go on vacation this summer


• I want to be able to fit comfortably in an airplane seat


• I want my blood pressure to go back to normal


• I want to be able to go to the doctor and not have my blood pressure go up just at the thought of having to get on the scale


• I want to shop in a "normal" store for clothing


• I don't want my kids to be embarassed by their fat mom

I had a discussion with my kids a couple of night ago about the fact that I was going to have surgery and what would happen in a way that they could understand. I told them that I was going to go visit the doctor in the hospital for a couple of days and that the doctor was going do something to make my stomach smaller. We talked about what your stomach is and where it is, too. I explained to them that it would change how I ate and that I would lose a lot of weight and I wouldn't be fat anymore. My son got very upset when I said that. He said "Mom, don't say that about yourself - you're not fat!" It's OK - I am fat - I know I'm fat, but I want to get healthier and lose the weight and not be fat anymore. "But I don't like it when people say that!" He was really upset. I said "Well, have people said that about me to you before?" He wouldn't answer me - just saying that he didn't like it when people said I was fat. It was very sweet, but at the same time disturbing to me. I am doing this as much for them as for myself - they deserve a "normal" mother - one they don't have to be ashamed of. Of course, when I said the same thing to one of my daughters and told her that I wouldn't be fat anymore - she did a little cheer - she was so excited. Not sure which end of the spectrum I appreciated more!

And I find myself having to balance myself a lot lately. I'm having a few "lasts" this week - and while I want to enjoy those, I don't want to over-indulge, either. I have a fun progressive supper tomorrow night with our closest friends. That always means good food! Then, of course, there is Christmas Dinner. And some friends at work are having "Pam's Last Lunch" for me on the 23rd at The Cheesecake Factory. I am excited and yet sick of myself at the same time. Such extremes trying to find a balance.

For the most part I am finding everyone to be incredibly generous and supportive when they find out about me having this surgery. There are still quite a few people who don't understand the extent of what will happen, but I guess I didn't either until I started researching it.

I have also found an incredibly helpful website that also has quite a bit of humor in it. It is two ladies who are "successful" WLS graduates. They give hints and tips and tricks to being successful in your WLS journey, too.

http://www.bariatrictv.com/

Hope you all are enjoying the Holidays!