'Twas The Night Before Surgery

I found this hysterical poem the other day and just had to share it.

Twas The Night Before Surgery

'Twas the night before surgery,
when all through my gut
not a morsel was stirring,
not even a nut."

The suitcase was packed
by the back door with care,
in hopes that a new me
would soon return there.

I lay nestled, snug in my bed
while visions of calories
danced in my head;

And me in my plus size
pajamas and wrap,
had just settled in f
or a long restless nap.

When deep in my mind
there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my dreams
to see what was the matter.

Away to my fridge
I flew like a flash,
ripped open the door
and drooled at the stash.

The moonlight reflecting
off the beautiful snacks
gave a luster of radiance
to all on the racks.

When, what to my
wondering eyes should appear,
but an array of the comfort foods
I hold so dear.

With a familiar feeling
of all those I'd pick,
I thought in a moment
I just might be sick.

More lovely than angels
their voices they came,
and they whistled and shouted
and called me by name;

"Now pizza, now french fries,
now chocolate galore
on cheescake, on ice cream,
on donuts and more!"

From the tip of my tongue,
to the bottom of my toe,
I will miss you all more
than ever you'll know.

As an addict that shakes
and stirs as he sits,
I'll mourn the loss
of my delectable hits.

So back to my bed
I went with great haste,
and settled back down
with nary a taste.

And then in an instant,
in pre-op I sat,
nervously waiting
to no longer be fat.

As I sat deep in thought
and adjusted my gown,
in came my surgeon
in one single bound.

He was dressed all in scrubs,
from his head to his feet
and he seemed very calm
as he eyed me like meat.

He looked at my chart,
with his scope gave a listen;
I don't think he noticed
my eyes start to glisten.

He was chubby and plump
he could lose some himself,
and I laughed when I saw him
in spite of myself.

A wink of his eye
and a twist of his head,
soon gave me to know
I had nothing to dread.

He spoke barely a word
as he prepped for his work,
he paused for a moment,
then turned with a jerk.

And laying a finger
aside of his face,
and giving a nod,
out of the room he did race.

He checked in the next day,
to his students gave a whistle,
and away they all flew
like a down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim
as he walked out of sight,
"speedy thinness to you
and a healthier life!"

~ Author Unknown